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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D. — a uniquely qualified therapist, life coach, and former university professor — has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their relationships, dating, psychology, and lifestyle.
Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man” (https://www.davidtianphd.com/blog/), is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in the Man Up private Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/) and answers based on his experience coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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Why Guys Lose Their Best Friends When They Reach Their 30’s
David Tian Ph.D. expounds on the reason why men lose their friends when they get into a relationship.
David Tian Ph.D. tells men to that the next time they get into a relationship, to make sure to let her know that it’s important to maintain your connections with other men.
In this Man Up episode, David Tian Ph.D. shares tips on how men can build their social circle up again
David Tian: Boom! Stop! In episode 50 of Man Up, I’m going to be talking about why guys lose their best friends when they’re in their thirties.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up!
Hey, I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and this is Man Up, episode 50. We have 50! I never thought I would see – well, I did think I would see this day but it’s good to celebrate. So, episode 50 and I’m in Singapore. The question is coming from Max. He’s asking, “Why do I have no guy friends, good friends?” And the context is he got out of a relationship and is trying to get his life together again. Of course, like almost all these guys, when they get into a relationship, three years in, they don’t hang out with their guy friends anymore.
It’s just all couple friends and now that he’s not part of a couple, it feels weird to hang out with couples so he wants to hang out with other single guys. But now he’s in his mid-thirties and doesn’t have any guy friends who are single or whatever, and why did this happen.
The fact of the matter is – Max, I know you’re in Singapore but this is true around the world – there are plenty of guys in their thirties, mid-thirties, late thirties – I’m coming up to forty, almost – and we’re single. There are a lot of guys who are in their thirties who are single or who are with a girlfriend but can go out and be bro-friends with you – who aren’t married with kids, in other words. There are plenty of guys like that. But because you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’ve cut off your connections with other guys.
So that’s your lesson for the next time you get into a relationship, make sure you let her know that it’s important to you to maintain your connections with other men just for you to grow as a man in your masculine energy. Not just as a parachute just in case you guys breakup. Let her know that. Even though that’s part of it, you can mention that that’s part of it. But it’s really because you haven’t been growing your masculine energy because there’s no way you could if you’re not in contact with other guys.
So now you’re going to have to build your social circle up again. But you’re asking the question of “why”, not “how”. Because the “how” is easy. The “how”, you can go to auratransformation.org, my home site and there’s plenty of courses there for free. Video courses that I’ve produced which walk you through, step-by-step: how to meet new people, how to make new friends, how to talk to strangers alright, how to get a girlfriend. That’s all there for free. So educate yourself and I have a lot of free resources for that.
But you didn’t ask “how”, you asked “why” and the reason is not just because you got into a relationship, you can cut everything off. But also because there’ve been a lot of studies lately that have shown that men, generally, don’t have best friends anymore. You know like when you were in school, high school or earlier, elementary school, you have a guy that you – because you go to school every day so it’s normal that in your class, you gravitate towards one, two, three or more guy friends.
You see each other every day and you go play in the playground every day or you might be on the same basketball team or whatever, soccer team, football team and you will form those bonds. It’s a regular thing. Then you go to college and a lot of people live on the campus or they live close to the campus. And you have your roommates, your housemates or you have your dorm mates and you see each other every day, you eat together every day in the cafeteria. So it’s this normal thing.
But then you go off on your own, you become a corporate guy. You have your own apartment. You’re in your own little bachelor world. And then you get into a relationship and that’s the last straw because now you don’t see everybody every day. And now the only people you see on a regular basis – other than your girlfriend, who’s now your ex – are your work colleagues.
And I’m assuming your work colleagues are not single, in their thirties men. So now you’re going to have to start all over. And that’s the reason why, though. I just showed you why. It’s a normal sociological phenomenon. Now you just have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get our free resources and actually go and apply them and just learn step-by-step systems on how to meet new people, make new friends, how to talk to anyone. That’s all something that you can learn. I know, it’s pretty amazing, huh?
Okay, so, until next time – join the private Facebook group. Click on the link, join the group – click Join, click Join – and we approve requests on a regular basis. I will see you there. You can ask me your questions; get your questions answered personally by me. Until then – man up.