Man Up | Ep. 19 • October 11, 2015
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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Chasing A Girl Through Texting: When’s The Right Time To Stop?
In episode 19, I’m going to answer the question: When is it time to stop chasing a girl after you get her number?
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up.
Hey, welcome to Man Up. This is episode 19 answering, now, Bryan’s question: Hey, David. When is it time to stop pursuing or chasing a girl after you get her phone number? Okay, Bryan – asked, by the way, in the private Facebook group which you should join. Click on the link below this video, join the group and get a hold of me directly. I will usually ask a follow-up question if there’s no context to the question. Bryan didn’t provide much of a context but I like how it begins. When is it time to stop pursuing or chasing a girl after you get her phone number? Girls talk about this all the time so I hear this from girls all the time. They like to show each other the phone conversations with dudes and all.
Let’s just answer this. It’s a pretty easy question to answer: If she’s not replying to you, stop texting. All right, we’re done. Hey, that was a great episode. So no – that’s a pretty clear time to stop. Here’s a rule of thumb: if you text her more than three times in a row and she does not reply within one day, within two days, let’s say – just stop. She doesn’t like you enough and you’ve messed it up at the beginning.
Now, I know a couple of guys in the world, good friends of mine, who can do some text magic and turn that into a manipulating way of getting her to respond. Like clickbaiting, in a way, and then slowly working back from there. But I don’t recommend that. You’re already in damage control; you’re already in troubleshooting. Focus instead on why you’re in damage control. Focus instead on what you were doing before you part ways with her, before you get the number. That’s where the game is won or lost, not in the text pursuing and chasing a girl.
You should never pursue or chase a girl, in general. So if you’re thinking of that already, that’s the wrong paradigm to come at it with. Especially over the phone, it’s incredibly obvious to her when you are the one chasing. Just graphically looking at the phone, you can see this – there’s an over-investment on your part so just stop. It’s much better to preserve that semblance of self-respect and maybe you can pick it up later.
Maybe there’s a very valid reason for her not responding – maybe she lost her, maybe she’s in the hospital, I don’t know. So, you don’t know. But chances are she doesn’t like you enough. In terms of the time for her to respond in a reasonable amount, if you send a text and she replies, look at that time for her to reply. If it was like an hour, it’s fine. Don’t reply immediately, in general. You can, of course, if you feel like it but in general you should probably mirror her time to respond at the beginning of the relationship or the interaction until you get to know each other a bit better.
Here’s the other thing, if she takes two days to respond to your text message and she’s consistently responding with a longer period of time, it’s generally because she doesn’t like you enough. You’re low priority on her response list. I’m not going to beat around the bush. That’s just freaking low priority. And if you accept that, she’s going to, unconsciously, think that you’re also of low priority in her life. It’s just confirming her placement of you on her priority list. I would just focus instead on fixing what you’re doing, the way you’re coming off when you first meet her and when you get the number in the first place instead of doing the damage control.
Okay, episode 19. That was episode 19, I think. Make sure you click on the Facebook group, join the Facebook group. We do the approvals on a daily basis. I’ll see you in the next Man Up episode.