Man Up | Ep. 37 • November 23, 2015
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
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How To Handle Your Jealousy
In episode 37, we’re going to look at the question of whether you’re jealous or she’s jealous.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up.
Okay, welcome. David Tian, Ph.D. This is Man Up. I am in Canada. Nice and cold, mid-November now. I’ve been meaning to do this one for a while. I’ve been waiting for the weather to settle down a bit. But screw it; I’m just going to film this. And I’m doing it handheld because this tripod is not very even on the grass. I hope you don’t mind the shaky camera work. I’m doing it on my own here and visiting family. So I don’t have my film crew out here so I’m doing it handheld. It’s probably going to be a little shaky.
So, anyway, let’s get into it. A question from the Facebook group and this one’s from Tim. He’s got two questions here. The first one is: “How do I handle it when a woman shows jealousy?” is what he calls it. It’s just a one paragraph question so I’ll just read it out to you: Most of the time it’s from women who liked me at first but then I screwed it up at some point, perhaps teased her a bit too hard, etc.
And then they ended up trying to get together with another guy just to make me jealous. To show me what I’ve been missing out on. Immature, yes, but I’ve seen a surprising amount of women trying to do this to me including highly-educated, successful women.
Okay, so let’s just deal with that question first. So it seems like he’s saying – just going on what he said – he says, “I was into these girls before, they weren’t then into me because I did something bad like I screwed it up,” he says. And then they’re supposedly trying to make him jealous now as a way of getting back at him or something and he says it’s immature.
Actually, just based on what you’ve said, I don’t think they’re actually doing it to make you jealous. That doesn’t really compute. It doesn’t make sense. Because if you screwed it up then why would she care about making you jealous? I think you just feel jealous.
Here’s the thing. You tried to get her and then you screwed it up and then you noticed her with another guy. And then you start to feel bad and instead of just confronting the reality which is that you feel like you lost this girl and then there’s that sense of loss.
Even if you didn’t really like her, just the fact that you had it and now it’s gone and somebody else has got it, makes you feel that sense of lack. The jealousy is in you, it’s not in her. This is just going off what you said. It could be that you’re jealous.
I don’t see any reason why – I don’t think there’s any reason for her to be jealous of. There’s nothing for her to be jealous of because the facts that you’ve pointed out are you see her with another guy. It doesn’t seem like there’s any reason for her to make you feel jealous. She dumped you. So I don’t know why she would be rubbing it in your face. It doesn’t make sense.
If you left her and then she was seeing other guys and trying to show them off to you, then maybe there’d be a case there for her thinking that she’s trying to make you feel jealous. But that’s not the case that you pointed out. So based on that, I think you’re just reading it off – Tim had asked an earlier question.
The one about multiple relationships and that, too, was about why is it – he wanted the girls that he’s seeing to tell all the other guys that they’re seeing that they’re seeing him. Remember what I said about that? I was like, why do you need that? It’s sort of the same thing. Your ego is really getting in the way of you evolving and learning and understanding women. A little ego wakeup call there. I don’t think it’s the girls trying to make you feel jealous. I think you just feel jealous.
All right, man. Anybody who wants to ask questions, the easiest way to get a hold of me is to go into the Facebook group, the private Facebook group. You can do that with the link that’s next to the video, below the video. Join the Facebook group. It’s cold so my mouth is already kind of freezing over. Join the Facebook group and ask me your questions there. It’s the best way to get a hold of me. Until next time – man up.
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