Man Up | Ep. 176 • March 06, 2017
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of Asian philosophy who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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David Tian: Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, PhD. And in this video I answer the question: How do you deal with jealous guys? Welcome to Man Up Episode 176.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up!
Hey. It’s David Tian, PhD. and for over the past 10 years, I have been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfillment in life and love. And here we are in Bangkok, on the river that runs through the middle of Bangkok. This is Episode 176. I got a question here from Jay.
This is a quick one. I’ll read the whole thing. Jay, “I have a question. I’ve been dating beautiful women for a year now and got good at it, possessing attractive qualities are now second nature to me.” I think you’re missing humility, I think that would help.
“Just recently, I decided to start my career in the hospitality industry. I love it, hotels, and pursue my dream as a hotelier. Now, my question is: How do I deal with insecure men, and occasionally women, who have the potential to destroy my career?”
I’m assuming something like – you must be hitting on women at work. That’s the only reason it would come up if you’re talking about – working at hotels and now there are insecure people. So in that context, and if it happens to not be that context, the same advice applies. When you are doing well and other people are jealous, they’re going to try to bring you down. That’s a normal thing.
So, I did a whole video on how to deal with haters. Same dynamic there. Go watch that episode on how to deal with haters. And then there’s another dynamic, where if you’re rubbing it in their faces – if you’re hitting on the guy’s wife or the guy’s girlfriend’s he’s going to want to butt in, or his sister, or somebody he feels possessive or protective over, you have to pay respects.
If you don’t want him to cause trouble, you need to win him over or her over. The same with women. There are going to be a lot of women who will resent you because you don’t like them. And so, if you’re successful with women, that’s going to come up a lot. These women who are getting in your way actually like you. And if you show them attention, and you win them over, they suddenly love you. Part of the problem is, you’re ignoring them and you’re going straight for your target.
That’s just creepy. It’s also is mercenary. It also makes them – the obstacles – feel bad as people. And so, they’ll do their utmost to get under your skin and prevent that happiness or goal that you’re trying to achieve from happening. So, to prevent this from happening, make friends with all of the different people that you think will be obstacles.
If you’re so good with people, this should be relatively easy for you to do. You can even get them on your side, so they’re rooting for you, instead of just ignoring them and gunning straight for your target – you little pick-up boy. It sounds nasty, anyway, right? So, you don’t want to be doing that anyway. You want to do it organically.
If she has a sister or brother, you should be really nice to them if you want to get to know that girl, if you want it to go smoothly with that girl. Otherwise, you’re just causing more trouble for yourself. That’s the advice. That’s pretty straightforward. If you’re really good with people, this shouldn’t come up. If you’re just good with women and you’re not that good with people, this problem will come up.
So, learn how to be good with people. Get good with people in general, and then you can disarm any kind of obstacles or intervention that will arise. So, especially if you’re going to be a hotelier, it’s really important that you get really good with people even if you’re not sexually interested in them.
I should say even more so if you’re not sexually interested in them. It’s very important trait to have or skill to be able to do. Especially if you’re going to be like at a concierge or something along those lines.
So, there you go. A really great example of why it’s so important to be good with people, not just to be like a player or a pick-up artist, or a letherio. You want the practical benefit to being very good with all different types of people, and getting actually more importantly to be good with people, one of secrets is to actually be interested in them as human beings; not just as potential obstacles that you have to disarm. That’s just a little tip there, in case you’re a narcissist or something like that.
So, in case you’re a psychopath, I’m giving you a little tip on how not to appear like a psychopath: actually try to be interested in them as human beings. So, there you go, Episode 176.I’ll see you inside. The private Facebook group.
Click the link, join the group. We approve requests very day. I’ll see you inside. I’m going to enjoy the boat ride back, just beautiful. You can see the sunset in the sky, the changing of the color. It’s just wonderful out here in Thailand around the winter time, just beautiful weather. All good all around.
So, I’ll see you inside the private Facebook group. For now, Man Up!