Man Up | Ep. 87 • March 14, 2016
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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In episode 87 of man up, I answer the question of: Why some people won’t take good advice?
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up!
Hey it’s David Tian, Ph.D. and welcome to episode 87 of man up and I’m in a beautiful suite here, a little bit of view. It’s coming down around 6 o’clock here so the sun should last a little while longer.
Going to take this opportunity to knock out a few videos. Okay cool! So, episode 87, actually going to answer a question that was sent to me over snapchat. If you haven’t been following me or didn’t know I was in snapchat, please follow me. I’m very honored if you do so. The username is davidtianaura, all strewn together one word.
Media Influence on Mind Persuasion
Anyway, a guy sent me a question over snapchat, can’t remember his name right now because the message disappeared and then it didn’t keep sending subsequently but it was a question basically asking for infield videos and the reason I’ve chosen this is because over the many years that I’ve been coaching, I started out in the PUA world, and you know back then there was a heavy focus on field reports, lay reports and it was wild wild west back then and in terms that you have to prove that you’re not just lying in the internet.
You know I was part of that community, I was happy to be part of that community. A big part of that was proving yourself infield. Sort of like MMA before the UFC or One FC and came along and made it into a business. So I understand where he’s coming from.
At aura, we’ve self-consciously over the past 4, 5 years evolved out of that or have tried to, it’s been tough to shake off the detritus… or that’s the wrong word… but the remainders of that period and it took me a lot of time to go through the old blog post and take those out and sometimes I don’t even realize that it was there until like three years later someone pings me on it, I’m like “oh shit! That’s still up!”.
So I don’t mind keeping it up because I’m not trying to hide anything. I just don’t want people to get bad advice. Okay, some of the old post are still up because I still stand behind those post and there might be some errand post out there that I missed, feel free like you think I’m inconsistent what I’m putting out there. Just ping me and you know, I’ll take a look. And I appreciate any of those feedback.
So the question is, alright, infield videos. I thought I’d take this opportunity to answer this now. I know a lot of guys who are still stuck in the PUA world. Luckily I think the pure PUA type of guys who are just seeing it as a sport, picking up chicks is a sport.
They are getting far fewer because back when I was starting out there was no other option, really if you wanted to learn about interacting with women. There was like that kind of shit you get from Men’s Health magazine or something and then there’s PUA.
But now there are a lot more options. I hope I’m presenting one of those options and I think it’s a healthy option, more sustainable option and one that is healthier because in the long run it’s really about your self-esteem and your own psychology and your own sense of self-worth then your own confidence in yourself.
Influence of Social Media
So those are all important things I think which is far more important than having sex, getting an ego validation from getting women into you. So having said that, infield videos. I wanted to say some things about it. I’ve been in the field for over 10 years, I’m well acquainted, good friends with many of the guys, the top people even in the PUA world, let alone dating coaches but PUAs and many of the best dating coaches including myself went through a phase of PUA as being PUA.
So I’m coming out of that world and I understand it very well. Few things to say, one of them is that… oh here we go again, please! Sorry, I’m filming this on my own here just to make sure their done but next week I think our camera crew will fly in to Thailand and we’re holding a summit here.
So hopefully we’ll be holding a summit here. So hopefully will be able to shoot a manually focused videos for you. Geez, you’re just going to watch these videos and hate it. Sorry man. Anyway, hope I didn’t go out of focus.
Ok, so the answer is make your own infield videos for yourself. My point is this, why do you keep looking for infield videos from someone else? I get the feeling that he wants to see if you’re the real deal. It’s like one of the guys who want to decide which gym to join based on whether the guys fight or not, you know like how well he fights.
The thing is if he’s like a world champion and you’re a total beginner, probably he will not be coaching your class unless you pay top dollar. It doesn’t fucking matter. At this point, it doesn’t matter. You need to find the best instructor. So the question is whether you’re getting the results. And the proof is in the pudding in terms of the results that you get. Who cares if I’m good, this is about your life.
I’ve been doing my thing for over 10 years, nobody fucking cares… I mean you can stand in the club next to me and you wouldn’t fucking pick up a thing. And here is why. Good interactions and then the kind of flashy stuff that makes for good YouTube videos are totally different.
Okay, understand that. So the guys are getting millions of views in infield videos, I’m not going to name them because it’s not classy to do that, so but you’re probably thinking of them if you’re watching this on YouTube, it’s probably coming up in the right hand, all in there, various infield videos.
A lot of its editing, a lot of which is solid games should not be viewable, should not be observable, you shouldn’t be able to notice it. It’s sort of like a fucking assassin. You know it’s like an assassin.
If you could see the assassin, he’s a bad assassin. You know what I mean? If you can see the hitman, he’s a bad hitman. If you see a game going on, it’s a bad game. They don’t get that, because it’s just flashy and it’s really smart.
I mean, I’ve been studying marketing for many years now, and I get it. And I am props to them. Props to them for the great editing and props to them for setting up the scenarios that such are entertaining. And coming up with a shticks and aiming angles and story lines, I think that’s great.
If I were to do it, I would probably hire and editor just like they do or do it professionally. I’d get a camera crew around that would have not a video like this that never goes… doesn’t stay in focus, like having a solid video crew around. But of course when you have a video crew around, that’s money right? So want to maximize the time.
I’ll tell you this, back in the day and still very much now, over 90 percent of what you see, audio, video is staged. Just so you know. If you didn’t know that already.
But I’m talking to intelligent men here right? So you probably suspected that. And then the parts that were edited out, may have been good game but we won’t know. And some of these guys do have good game but because they chose to do the infield route… so here’s an example, there was a program about six, seven years ago that was coming out that featured my buddy Nick Sparks, some of my other friends like Eric Von Sydow.
Some others, Steve Maheda, a bunch of others and it was filming infield videos. And what’s funny was the program since has been discontinued, everyone I talk to was new like the past three years coming to learning about women in psychology, don’t know about these series.
But the interesting thing was it was a pretty much good video. It was like continuously shot video, piece in audio and most of it was in black and white and it was shot subterfugely. I think they did not ask permission from the clubs to film there and so on, right.
It was insider video and it was good. It was great! I hung out with these guys. I know what they guy can and it was good to see that and it was cool.
To think that he is on forums or in Reddit or whatever, they got pan, like this is game, this is what they call… these guys didn’t know what they’re fucking… they’re just criticizing. And they’re like, now we know he’s a fraud. I’m looking at those like… and here’s the difference, the expert eye versus the untutored eye.
Actually talked about this in the last video I filmed before about the expert eye and the untutored eye. The fact like it’s like food. If you’re a Michelin star chef, what you taste on your palette, your tongue is going to be completely different from what I pick up. To the untrained eye, the world is very different.
Another example I thought of today was chess, how BJJ was like chess, well chess is like chess. In chess, there are guys who play 30 games at a time like they have tons of board lined up and they somehow can’t keep track of all these games. They just make the moves when they walk down. And then the novices are playing them just one game but these guys are playing 30 at a time and that’s the difference.
That’s why infield videos will always be lost on those who are looking for them the most. That’s actually a waste of time unless you just use it as a marketing tool and that power tool, I get it. I just don’t think that our marketing time is best used in that implied system.
There’s a lot of capital outlay and there’s a lot of trouble. Having a camera crew following you around getting to call your video… I mean I’ve got a pretty decent camera here, and it so much trouble here to set up a tripod, keeping this damn thing in focus, right?
Like imagine, if you’re watching on YouTube high quality video, you got to imagine how motherfucking big, how good that camera, how good that camera man is, how good the camera is… like you know. This is just the truth, so whatever.
Hopefully you’ll take that under advisement when you’re watching the video. I don’t mean to trash my friends or anything. But just so you know, there’s some interesting you pick up and you watch some videos and you get inspired, because these guys have balls, then that’s great. Just to get you out of your house and talk in to people when you weren’t before, that’s great.
There are plenty people doing that, I don’t see why you need to.
Oh, the proof is in the pudding. If you want to know whether I’m giving you is good or I’m a good coach, then fucking take the advice I’m giving you. Just try it out, stop being a fucking wimp-passive-pussy. Look, here’s the deal, all you need to do is enter your email in any of the forms and at any time if you don’t like what you’re getting in your email, just scroll down the bottom and click on unsubscribe and you’re done.
No big deal at all. You know I don’t fucking care. You’re going to be another email address in our backend, it’s not anything to me. It’s for you. You go watch these videos then try them out, it’s as simple as that. Did they work for you, that’s great! If that’s worked for tens and thousands of people around the world, that’s great! I’m going to another wedding in May.
Every year, you know a former student and one in April that I had to turn down and I’ve got so many success stories and I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I know what I’m about. I give the advice for free. It’s for free. So what you got to do is type your email in there, watch those series of videos and we have many different courses.
I think now we’re up to 12 different free courses that are floating around the internet from our homepage, the most general ones you can find that we listed three of them there. So you got auratransformation.org and you can just get the free video courses… I’m looking really tanned. I got to learn like to do the color on the video. But that’s not my thing.
So anyway, but sign in with the free video courses and try them out. Read the articles, try those out. These are all free. If they work for you then come back and try the next thing. Simple as that! If they don’t work for you… ahh, focus. Man this is really becoming an issue.
If they don’t work for you, then no problem. Thank you for trying it out. So there you go. When a guy asks for an infield video, it’s always an excuse for procrastination. Why should I prove myself to you. I don’t fucking care. That’s my life. What about your life.
Be, do your own infield videos for yourself. Prove it to yourself that your any good. I don’t care if you think I’m good with women. And I’m happy to say that I’ve come over the years to discover that no matter who you are, you’re not going to be able to have the decency to apple size the women of the world.
You could be an expert at a certain type of night club or in a certain type of city with a certain type of woman because you’ve had, you’ve interacted enough for those. And if that’s the case it’s coming out of your identity which is great but there’s no claim that they can make, that any individual man can make being able to seduce any woman because there are seven billion people.
I mean you can’t get a representative sample size of the whole world… of the whole female race. That’s ridiculous. So all of this is blown up marketing bullshit. You already know it it’s hyperbole. What we can stand by is that saying hello and the equivalent language is a great way to start a conversation with anyone. And that’s common sense and that’s obvious right.
Now that I’ve got you to agree with me on the efficacy of hello, then let me tell you that there are more effective and more advance ways of beginning conversations, of continuing conversations, of taking things to from the platonic to the personal, from the personal to romantic or sexual, and you actually learn them like, “whoa! That’s crazy, I’ve heard no one else has talked about that” but they’re really just common sense in the sense of they make a logical sense and they come out of just basic psychologies.
I’m not trying to hustle you, lies or anything. It just works. All you got to do is prove it to yourself. Just take the advice and try it out. If it works, great, comeback for more. If it doesn’t, well thank you very much for trying it out. And thank you very much. I’ll see you maybe but here’s the point, like here’s the deal, a lot of guys ask for these because they don’t have the balls to go out and try it as well.
I don’t if the guy who snapped at me, if that’s his issue or if he’s just a keeper jockey but what happens is a lot of guys, before they take action, they want to have all infield video and those guys are just making excuses for procrastination and actually not do anything.
So those are people I don’t want as students or clients as they are just wasting my time. Hopefully you are not wasting my time, you will take action. You will go out and try free advice that I’m giving that is available freely on my website at auratransformation.org and you’ll see for yourself.
Okay, so there you go. And you’re going to be over time, you’ll be developing an expert eye so that you can spot it when you do spot someone who’s really good with people. You realize that it’s completely under the radar. It is not flashy, it is so subtle. If you’re far away and you can pick up body language, you won’t be close up and you’ll be able to see what he’s doing with his eye contact.
And probably in a loud place, you’re not going to be able to pick up smooth and soft and seductive tonality. And then there’s so many other factors right, and then there’s like connection. And then there’s this serendipity of two people whose backgrounds and personality types are complimentary to each other and that is what often is actually makes it happen. And that’s another point.
A lot of what PUA’s think is actually making the magic happen isn’t actually what is causing the result. There’s a correlation and they’re confusing it with causation. And they’re just ignorant on all the other factors and variables at play because they haven’t studied.
So there you go. Anyway, that’s my statement on that, infield videos. Join the private Facebook group and ask your questions, you can also snap me, that’s cool. I’m trying to use that platform more. It’s really easy. And I’ll see you on in cyberspace and hopefully in person in some point. So until next time, man up!