Man Up | Ep. 142 • September 25, 2016
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
David’s also prepared free video courses that reveal how to get a new girlfriend, how to make friends anywhere, and how to talk to anyone. Click Here and scroll down the page to access these free resources.
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David Tian: Boom! Stop. In Episode 142 of Man Up, I answer the question of: What are the top five factors in getting better with people?
Masculinity for the intelligent man. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and this is Man Up!
Hey! This is David Tian, Ph.D. and for over the past ten years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, fulfillment and happiness in life and love, through the application of ancient wisdom and cutting-edge research. And here I am on the Great Wall. I think you can probably tell. Let’s see if I can get up on here – a view. Yeah, there it is. This is the Mutianyu part of the wall. It’s morning. A lot fewer tourists than I expected, so that’s pretty cool. There you go. You can see the wall.
And where should I stand? Just stand here. Alright, so we got a question from the private Facebook group. This one comes from Derek. Derek asked a question – I can’t read it because I’m using my phone to film, but he asked a question about the Pareto principle. He’s asked me if I’m familiar with it, and how does it apply when it comes to dating, social life, et cetera?
The Pareto principle – So, I’m going to answer it for him. The Pareto principle comes from Vilfredo Pareto. Italian sociologist who discovered that 80% of the wealth was held by 20% of the people. And then as a sociologist, he’s discovered that this was true in many other areas of life. So, he’s asking, in other words, “What’s the 20% that makes the 80% difference?” And that’s a really intelligent question. Let me answer that for you.
In Aura, in our life programs, we call it the Big Five. What are the Big Five? Let me see if I can get you more of a – what are the Big Five? I will start in – I’ll leave the most important one for last, but it’s what we call BL&T. So, if you’re from North America, you know that means Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato. Easy to remember. BL&T is Body Language and Tonality.
Now, under Body Language, we also break it up into eye contact. So, it’s body language, eye contact, tonality, and then add facial expressions. Technically, that’s all body except for the voice, but it’s easier to break that apart. Because when you hear body language, most people think about what they do with their arms, and their legs, and so on. But the face is more important than any of the – like, the facial expressiveness, the eye contact, is more important than any of the other, like, what you do with your limbs and so on.
But those are all super important. So, those are the four – body language, eye contact, facial expressiveness and tonality. And in our programs, in every single one of our programs, we have a section that covers each of those four, body language, eye contact, facial expressiveness and tonality. I’m a little bit winded because I did walk to the end of this thing. It goes way past that tower there, gets pretty steep. It’s beautiful up here. Not as many tourists, like I said, as I expected.
And then finally, the last one is mindset. And that actually is how we actually fix your tonality, your eye contact, your facial expressiveness, is through your mindset, through your psychology; what you’re thinking and feeling. Because that is actually going to determine how you stand, what your face looks like naturally, the sound of your voice naturally.
The biggest determinant of the other four factors is your psychology, your mindset, your feelings and thoughts. So actually, over 90% of our most important work is addressing mindset issues. And if you can fix the mindset and have it in the right place, it’s really easy to tweak everything else, really easy. But it’s much more difficult to do it from the outside in, in other words to do it by taking on a particular posture, and a voice, and doing certain things with your face and eyes. You can do it that way, but it’s a lot more monitoring, it’s a lot more difficult.
Though, of course the way you use your body affects your mindset, affects your psychology directly. So, we do all of that together. And when you do all of it together, everything becomes a lot easier. I’ve been doing this for over ten years. So, if I were to tell this to the average prospect or customer coming in, or client, he will say, “What? You just want me to stand a certain way, and use my voice in a certain way? That can’t be it. That can’t be it. It’s too simple.”
And what he’s looking for is some abracadabra magic spell to fix everything, but as you know by now, this is Episode 142. You should know by now that that is total bullshit. So, there you go. Pretty quickie episode. Easily under five minutes, yes! First time in a long time. So, it’s David Tian, signing out. Just to recap the 80/20 rule, Pareto principle, always look for this in everything you do. That’s just one of the main secrets to success. And it’s body language, eye contact, facial expressiveness, vocal tonality and your mindset.
Alright, so we got to finish the wall, got to head back that way. And then apparently, there’s this luge thing you go down to get out of here. So, signing out. Join the private Facebook group. Click the link. Join the group. We approve requests every day, so join that group. And I’ll see you in the private Facebook group. You can ask your questions there. I’ll answer them directly and I will see you inside the group. Until then, Man Up!