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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D. — a uniquely qualified therapist, life coach, and former university professor — has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their relationships, dating, psychology, and lifestyle.

Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore.

The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man” (, is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in the Man Up private Facebook group ( and answers based on his experience coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.

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"The Man Up Show" Ep.238 - How To Get The Girl When The Competition Is Better Looking

How To Get The Girl When The Competition Is Better Looking

  • David Tian Ph.D. gives advice on attracting women when there are better looking guys than you around her.

  • David Tian Ph.D. tells us the real issue here and what we you should be focusing and working on instead.

  • In this Man Up episode, David Tian Ph.D. shares the long-term solution to this problem.

David Tian: Boom, stop! I’m David Tian, and in this video, I answer the question: How to get the girl when the competition is better looking? Welcome to the Man Up show.

Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and this is Man Up!

Hi, I’m David Tian, and for over the past 12 years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfilment in life and love, and welcome to the Man Up show. I am in Venice after a long day of sightseeing. My back hurts. My feet hurt a little bit. Anyway, so the sun is setting and wanted to show you a little bit of this gorgeous city. That is the Doge’s Palace and that facade is the oldest, we’re told by the tour guide, the oldest existing facade in history in the world right now. That facade is from the 1300s, I think.

Anyway, beautiful place. I wanted to show you some of the canals, but we ran out of time. The sun’s going down, so here we are on the docks. Alright, so this is a question from the Man Up private Facebook group. It comes from Michael and it’s quick, so I’m going to read the whole thing.

“So, I was at the bar, started talking to a cutie. Things were going well, then some tall, dark, and unfortunately handsome dude starts talking to her and it’s like I don’t exist. This isn’t the first time. Any advice on how to actually get the girl?” Yes, there is. Quick answer is, this is something you can learn. You can actually learn and improve in attracting people. Just like you can learn any other skills that you did in school, how to deliver a speech, how to give a presentation. There are skills. There are dos and don’ts, even like how to write an essay, how to do these things. Some people are maybe naturally better at them, but everybody can improve in them. And if you haven’t done any work on those at all, you’ve not worked at all on improving your ability to converse with other people, to flirt, to be funny, to ramp up the sexual tension and attraction.

Then if you haven’t done those yet, then you haven’t done your job. Like, if you want to get better at this, this is something you need to improve. You can learn this. I have created a whole suite of master classes for this very purpose on how to talk to women, how to start conversations with women, how to get a phone number, all of these things, how to create sexual tension. All of this is in the free master classes which you can access and is a required part of being granted access to the private Man Up Facebook group. So, that’s the quick answer. You can learn how to do that. If you haven’t learned how to do it, it’s your fault that you can’t do it.

Now, the first comment on that thread… So, this is the slightly longer answer. Only slightly. I’m not going to get into super long detailed on this because I’ve created… By the way, on top of the free master classes, I’ve created courses that are from anywhere from 6 hours to 60 hours long that go into more detail on how to be more attractive, how to set up your lifestyle so that it draws women to you, et cetera. There are levels to this shit. So, if you want to get into that, those courses are available, but go through the free stuff first. There’s already a lot in the free courses.

So, the first comments on that post was from Eli. He wrote, “Work on the fundamentals, get in shape, wear nice things, and just become as physically attractive as you possibly can.” And then Rudy, right after that, wrote, “Grow some balls and pimp slap that fucker.” Let me skip that one. So anyway, so then Michael replied to Eli, “I’m trying, man, but I don’t make enough to eat properly. I live off cheap shit like macaroni.” Okay, well, I don’t know if that was humorous. It didn’t seem like it. I think it was just pity party excuses, but you can get in shape even if you’re poor. You can get in shape by eating salads and fruits. That will get you lean. Lean is generally better than being fat, by the way, as far as the science has shown for what is sexually attractive. Having six-pack abs is better than having a big belly, for instance, and it’s easier to get six-pack abs if you’re poor, so you’re not tempted to eat very rich food.

You can get fruits and vegetables pretty cheaply, and then you just do push ups. I just did 100 push ups today as a substitute for the fact that there’s no gym in this hotel in Venice, and you can do pull ups. there are many public parks that have pull up bars, or you can improvise one, and pull ups, and then you got your push ups, and you got all kinds of other body weight exercises you can find for free on YouTube. Anyway, there’s no excuse not to get in shape. You can also just straight up run. You can do sprints if you want to build more strength. You can just do long distance running if you want to just get in better shape overall.

So, on top of that, there’s a misinterpretation or a mistaken view that a lot of guys these days seem to have adopted. And it wasn’t the case 10 years ago during the heyday of the game and the PUA world. During that time, there was a fresh idea that you could get better at flirting and attraction so you can take these courses, read these ebooks or whatever, and there was that view. Nowadays, it seems like guys have just given up and they’re like, “If she doesn’t like me the way I naturally am, then there’s nothing I can do about it.” So, it’s like the average dudes went full circle. They went from they were losers and they couldn’t change it, to you’re a loser but you can change it, to I’m a loser and I can’t change it, and now we’ve gone full circle.

It’s important to get that message out there. For about three or four years, I’ve been pushing down on attacking, criticizing the PUA world. And I’ve just discovered over the past couple of years that the PUA world has really gone down in terms of its reach. Now, it’s more of like just bitter, resentful men, like incel or MGTOW kind of shit. So, let me make this clear: There is some good that came out of that PUA movement, which is that you can actually get better at conversation. You can get better at presenting yourself. You can get better at your body language, at your eye contact, with your tonality. You could actually become more confident. You can learn these things.

I take it for granted that you know this, that it’s just obvious, so I moved on to more deeper, therapeutic issues. However, it should just be obvious to you that you can get better at external skills. You can get better at humor. There are humor classes you can take. Improv comedy, standup comedy, there are all these different types of things that can make you more attractive and that’ll give you the kind of conversational skills that can make up for your lack of looks, that can make up for your lack of height and all of these other things, and make up for your lack of money that you can throw around. By the way, I have other videos on all of these other issues.

Does money turn on women? Can you get girls just with your hot body? Things like this. So, check out the other Man Up episodes for this, but also more importantly, get the systematic step-by-step free courses inside the master classes. You can get access to master classes by going to my website, You’ll find, on the front page, you can go through this quiz and it’ll send you some master classes. Or you can just join the Man Up Facebook group and follow the instructions to access the master classes. Alright, so I’ll see you inside the private Man Up Facebook group.

So, to summarize that: Yes, you can. You can do better than just the way you are now. You can actually improve and become more sexually attractive. Oh, and one other caveat: The fact that she didn’t like you and that she went with this other guy for superficial reasons, that should tell you a lot and that’s where my deeper therapy work comes in. If you’re attracted to women, and you don’t see the superficiality of it and you’re pissed about that, and you’re competing on a superficial level and you suck at the superficial level, then the easy answer is get better at the superficial level. And on top of that though, the long-term fix is understand the therapeutic issues at stake and the value issues at stake if you don’t feel that disconnect or you’re not turned off by the fact that she’s mostly being attracted to or responding to these superficial things.

Okay, so join the private Man Up Facebook group. I’ll see you in there. Click the link, join the group. Until then, David Tian, signing out. Man Up!