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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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How To Make Attractive Female Friends
In episode 27, we talk about how to make attractive female friends.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up.
Welcome to Man Up, episode 27. My name is David Tian, Ph.D., on behalf of Aura Transformation Corporation. Got a great question from the Man Up private Facebook group, from Bryan and it’s basically: How do I make attractive female friends? Great question Bryan! It’s actually not that different from making friends with like cool male friends, okay? But I think I know – because he had this long background, preamble to the question. And the issue is, often, just like with many guys – the issue isn’t so much, “How do I make friends with females?” as “How do I make friends with a certain type of female?” Basically, the type of female that he has nothing in common with.
If you’re a manly man and you do a lot of sports, you’re always doing like CrossFit stuff or you’re doing MMA classes or – what are some other tips for the typical guy, stereotypical guy stuff – you like to play computer games, video games. It’s relatively easy to make friends with girls who like to do the same thing. If you’re a video gamer, it’s pretty easy to make friends with female video gamers. If you’re in the BJJ gym a lot, it’s relatively easy to make friends with female BJJ practitioners.
If you’re at the CrossFit gym, it’s relatively easy to make friends with the girls at the CrossFit gym. Based on what Bryan was saying, it looks like he doesn’t do many activities, at all, because of his busy work schedule. First step is to develop some passions, not just hobbies. Everyone has hobbies but of course, to discover your passions, a good way to start is to try some hobbies, right? But to get passionate about something, to develop strong interest, deep – not just wide, not just lots of little things a little bit – but deep interest in things are really important. Just to develop your happiness and fulfillment, let alone getting girls or whatever. So that’s one thing.
Now, a lot of guys still have this trouble that they have these interests but most of their interests are stereotypical male interests. Like sports, video games, cars and yes, there are girls who love those things. But there are usually a lot more guys than girls in those places. Here’s an even easier way. You might’ve noticed if you go to a club, you see a guy who’s surrounded by girls and he is not paying for it or he’s not a promoter.
He’s just genuinely a cool guy and girls like him. It’s usually because he shares common interests. Now, those common interests – usually if she’s a feminine female, she’d like to dance, she’d like to move, she’d like to be in her feminine energy. And if you’re a guy who likes to dance – if you don’t yet know how to dance, take lessons. Salsa is one of the easiest dances to start learning.
Then you can learn Bachata which is a really sexy dance and these are all couples dances. There are more women than men at these classes and you’re forced to like get hip and hip on them. Great way to break the ice, right? Also, if you get really good at that that’ll actually get you in touch with that feminine energy and you’ll be able to relate to them at that level. So, if you’re in a club, if you have nothing to talk about, you can always dance. So there’s dancing.
I happen to love desserts. In fact, I happen to love desserts and sweet stuff more than most women I know. Blame my dad, my family, they love sweets. Ourfamily gatherings are all just, like, pies and cakes and desserts and stuff. What I have to bring when I come back from Asia are basically all of these desserts and sweets and boxes of Mooncakes and Mochi and all that. So I love that stuff and guess what? Girls like sweets, too.
I know this looks weird but a great afternoon for me is tea with Macaroons. I love that stuff. And it’s easy for me then if I love desserts and girly drinks to get along with girls. There’s a part of me that also loves beer and pounding back beers. So it helps me when I need to connect with dudes who hate pink drinks. If you can develop these parts of your personality, it’ll be easier for you to connect with people who also share those interests.
Now, here’s some other suggestions just to throw them out there but there are tons. Yoga – you’ll always find more females than males in yoga classes, as far as I’ve seen. And that’s a great one to do. It’s also awesome for your body, for your mental health, emotional health. Do yoga, it’s incredibly calming.
It’s good for circulation, it’s great for everything. Just do yoga, you can talk to them before and after class. If you’re a regular, you’ll start to see the other regulars and that’s an easy way to break the ice. Nowadays, a lot of high-intensity interval training gyms, like boutique gyms that do 20-30 minute workouts are very popular. Those draw a lot of girls, too. So the big, heavy weights where you’re doing like four or five reps, just do a HIIT workout in a group setting. Join one of those group HIIT things. Go regularly. Regulars always notice other regulars.
So, there’s a lot of things. Basically, what you want to do is look for where girls – the type of girls you’re interested in – where they are, what they do, what their hobbies are, what their interests are. See if any of those appeal to you and if you can develop any of those interests. Here are a few others – it came to my mind. Fashion – fashion is the best, fashion is awesome. If you can start developing an eye for fashion then you’ll have a ton of stuff to talk about with beautiful women. So the fashion industry is just a wonderful thing to learn.
Art is another one.
Visual arts, performing arts, all kinds of arts, these are things that women, in their feminine essence, often gravitate towards. If you can share those interests with them it’s easy to make friends with them. And then if you go to those events, if you go to those places, where they do the trainings, it’ll be natural and easy for you to break the ice and get to know them and make friends with them. Just start inviting them out to things and then inviting them out to – like, if you meet a girl at a Bachata class, invite her out to the Bachata social and then invite her friends and introduce your friends to her friends – the possibilities are endless.
In fact, I have a whole training program called Social Circle Mastery just on this one skill that walks you through, step-by-step – a proven system that I’ve developed over the past ten years. Now, how to do this? It’s included as a module in Limitless but we also have it as a separate program.
If you’re interested in that, check it out. Send me an email, come into the Facebook group and just ask us about that and we’ll follow-up with you. Always, what you’ve got to do after you watch any of these videos is, if you haven’t joined it already, go to – click on the link below, join the private Facebook group and ask me your questions there and interact with me, personally. All right, man, until next time – man up.