Man Up | Ep. 167 • January 16, 2017
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
David’s also prepared free video courses that reveal how to get a new girlfriend, how to make friends anywhere, and how to talk to anyone. Click Here and scroll down the page to access these free resources.
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Man Up Show Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/
David Tian: Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, PhD. and in this video, I answer the question: Which woman should I get serious with? Welcome to Man Up Episode 167.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up!
Hey. I’m David Tian PhD, and for the past ten years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness and fulfillment in life and love, and welcome to Man Up Episode 167.
Here we are in Ubud, in the Ritz-Carlton Reserve, and beautiful rice fields here. Gorgeous view. This view of the gorge here, those rapids down there. There’s a restaurant we’re going to be eating at right over there. I thought this was a beautiful place to shoot it.
The question I’ve got here is from Danesh and his question was: “Because of the things I learned through your courses, I’ve been able to date multiple women, and now I’d like to be in a relationship. How do I know which one to choose?”
Basically, it’s that kind of question. And I get this question quite often, and so I thought I’d do this video for that. Here’s the thing: if you’re in that position, you’re asking yourself: “Hmm, all these different women that I’ve got going, girl 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, which should I choose out of these 5?” Then you shouldn’t choose any of them.
Here’s the deal. If there isn’t one that forces you to stop and say, “Okay, let’s get into that relationship with that girl.” If you’re instead deciding ahead of time, “I want to get into a relationship. Which one should it be?” That is almost always guaranteed to be bad, and you probably won’t take this advice because all of the guys I give this advice to, they usually say: “Okay David, I get it.” And then they just pick one of those because it’s harder to go and find the one, right?
And then if you’ve got skills, the bad part is skills could elongate that process, the time. So if you didn’t have any skills, you would find out pretty quickly that the relationship’s not going to work, but because you have skills with social intelligence and so on and emotional intelligence, you have these ways of making it, forcing it to work, and that extends it artificially. You can artificially extend these relationships for years.
So I’m telling you ahead of time that if you’re saying to yourself, “I’m dating all these different women and now I’d like to be in a relationship”, that’s a wrong mindset to have. Ask yourself, what is it that you’re missing that you want to have a relationship for? What is it that you hope the relationship will give you? What needs are you trying to meet as a result of having a relationship?
And go along that route to figure out what your needs are that are not being met in your current situation, because that means that none of these five women currently are meeting those needs for you or in a way such that you feel compelled that it just sticks out. “That’s the one.” It just sticks out and you say spontaneously: “Yes, that’s the one.”
If it doesn’t stick out at you and you have to sit there and deliberate through this process, that’s probably not going to work. You’re probably not going to be happy in the long run with any of those five, especially if you’ve been doing this for a while. In other words, they’ve been content with that situation, in that status in your life for a while.
It says something about her as well that she may not be right for the next stage of your life. And you probably don’t want to hear that, so I’m throwing in the caveat. I kind of expect you not to take this advice, but that’s the truth. When you watch this after the one that you choose and that relationship fails, I just want to say: David told you so.
Secondly, you don’t know yet what to look for in a relationship. Guess what? I made a free video course already. The Relationship Red Flags and Is She Right For A Relationship? You can access those free courses by joining the private Man Up Facebook group, which I forgot to say in the last video so I’m going to say it doubly now. Join the private Man Up Facebook group. Click the link, join the group. We approve requests every day, and inside the group, just click on the cover image or pinned post.
You get access to, I think, almost a dozen free courses right now and one of them is Is She Relationship Material? and Relationship Red Flags. So go and get that free course. It’s like an hour long, and it goes through all of these different scenarios, and the checklist of what to look for based on all of the top research around the world in this area.
Alright so, it’s David Tian, signing out. We’ve got drinks waiting for us over there that are getting diluted right now and I don’t want that to happen, so enjoy this beautiful view. I know I am, and the sun is setting, and that’s enough of babbling. David Tian, PhD, signing out.
Click the link. Join the private Man Up group. I’ll see you inside the group.
Until then, Man Up!