Man Up | Ep. 162 • December 28, 2016
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
David’s also prepared free video courses that reveal how to get a new girlfriend, how to make friends anywhere, and how to talk to anyone. Click Here and scroll down the page to access these free resources.
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David Tian: Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, PhD. And in this video, I answer the question: Should I contact my ex on special occasions? Welcome to Man Up Episode 162.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up!
Hey, this is David Tian, PhD, and for over the past ten years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness and fulfillment in life and love. Actually, over the past ten years, and now coming up to another year, so over the past 11 years. Actually, it’s over the past 12 years. And here I am in Bangkok. It is actually Christmas Day as I’m filming this. Pretty amazing that I’m actually working on Christmas Day. This is the one thing I’m doing for work for today, otherwise it’s R&R for me.
As you can see behind me, it is not very Christmas-y. I just noticed right here is the former king’s image here on that building. There’s another one over here. So, every morning, I wake up to his visage. And I just realized it’s a little weird having that next to my head. But for this one, we’ll leave it there. Great, so Episode 162. Merry Christmas, by the way. By the time this is posted, it will be past Merry Christmas. So, Merry Christmas and coming up, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays – a catch-all term for that.
And actually, for this episode, I’m answering a question that I’ve been asked repeatedly all month in many different formats: on email, on Facebook messaging, of course in the Man Up group which you should join, the private Man Up group. And the question is, “Should I contact my ex over ?” Insert the “holidays”. So before it was Thanksgiving, and then it was Christmas, and now it’s New Year’s. “Should I wish her Happy New Year? Should I wish her Merry Christmas?” And whatever amount of time you’ve broken up.
If you are indeed officially broken up, the answer should always be no. I know it’s going to hurt for all of you guys who are like, “Oh, but it’s my ex! We’re going to get back together! We’re harboring this thing.” If you want to get her back, and the only way you will get her back is by taking the free video course that I made! I’m just joking, but it’s one of the best ways. You can get that free video course by just clicking the link. Join the private Man Up group, and there you’ll have access to this free multi-hour course. It’s almost three hours, or actually probably more than three hour video course where I walk you step-by-step through your breakup recovery process, as well as a separate video course on your best chances of getting your ex back.
And this is through over 12 years of experience in doing this for many, many clients around the world and it’s free. So, you’ve got nothing to lose. Just sign up or join the private Facebook group by clicking the link, joining the group. Anyway, you should not contact your ex, because one of the most powerful things you can do is to not make contact when she expects you to make contact. Because the whole point of having that breakup is to create that chase dynamic again where she’s chasing you, if that’s the case that you want her back.
The only guys who ask me this question are the guys who are secretly hoping their ex takes them back. So, within that context, hopefully you’ve decided and gone through very carefully why you would want to get back together. But I know if you’ve just gone through a breakup and you got dumped, you are not in the right frame of mind to analyze any of that anyway. But regardless of what I say, you’re going to want to get her back anyway. And one of the dumbest things you can do is to reach out on those days when she expects you to. The best time to actually make that impact of your vacuum felt – to start creating that chase dynamic where she starts pursuing you, and feels and really misses you, are those days when she expects you to call.
And all day she’s waiting, “I can’t believe he hasn’t texted me. I can’t believe it!” And that’s exactly the reaction you want. Don’t wish her that standard Merry Christmas or the standard Happy New Year that you mass-send to all of your friends. You could mass-send it to her, but I know you’re not if you’re asking me this question, you craft a special one just for her. Don’t do that. Resist it. Not only if you want to get her back, but more importantly for you. Because the only way that you’ll be able to get her back in the long run is if you kill your neediness and you get to that point where you don’t need that relationship anymore for you to feel whole, secure, and worthy in yourself.
And the only way you’ll get there is if you have that independence where you can actually not give into the temptation of your neediness and reaching out to her on these holidays. So, an easy answer to “Should I contact my ex on New Year’s or Christmas?” The answer is no. You should not. It’s pretty straightforward.
So there you go. Nice quick, short one for the holidays. Happy Holidays to you. I wish there was some snow here, and it turns out Thailand as a Buddhist country does not celebrate Christmas. It’s not even a national holiday. The gym’s open all weekend – so that’s actually kind of nice for an entrepreneur like myself who basically is pissed now – I used to be when I was a student and the very few months of my life when I actually worked a regular day job, I was always looking forward to public holidays because that meant I had time off and I could vacation. But now as a business owner, it’s always irksome actually having holidays because that means no one else is working and I can’t get shit done.
And that means all of the leisurely places are crowded as fuck. So it’s nice to actually be in a country where Christmas is not mandated to be celebrated, but I do miss that atmosphere. As you can see behind me, there aren’t very many Christmas lights going on, but it’s beautiful weather nevertheless. So, David signing out and wishing you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas – well, that would’ve been passed already – and a wonderful new year coming up for you. And to think about what you want to accomplish in this year coming up 2017, and wishing you Happy Holidays.
It’s David Tian. Man Up!