Man Up | Ep. 226 • January 30, 2018
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of Asian philosophy who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned therapeutic coach. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. And in this video, I answer the question: Do girls like dating casually? Welcome to Man Up Episode 226.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and this is Man Up!
Hey. It’s David Tian, Ph.D. and for over the past 10 years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfillment in life and love. Actually, for the past over 11 years. Welcome to Man Up Episode probably 226. This is the first episode we’re shooting in the new year, so Happy New Year! I got a question here from the private Facebook group from Edwin.
The question is pretty short so I’ll read the whole thing.
“Hey David. I went on a date with a girl. We went as friends. One thing led to another and we ended the day making out and holding hands. When I asked her when she’s free, she said that she was busy the whole week and that she’s not sure about next week. Am I supposed to just wait out a full week then ask her when she’s free? Also, how can girls have the patience to just wait a week, perhaps more, after sharing an amazing experience together? Wouldn’t the passion just die off?”
Edwin is very confused because they’re actually not on the same page.
I’m answering this question. It should be pretty quick. I think it’s just something that Edwin doesn’t understand. They started the date as friends, they ended it by making out and holding hands. When she’s asked when are you free next, she’s like, “Not sure.” “How about next week?”, he says. “Not sure.” So, Edwin is not getting the picture. He’s thinking, “But we had an amazing experience together! Wouldn’t you want the passion not to die off?” Edwin just doesn’t understand the modern female, especially in America and Western countries.
They are getting their cake and eating it, too. They get the protections of feminism and all of the male shaming that’s happening, man-shaming you could say. On top of that, they get to have a male dating strategy, and now you’re seeing it a lot in case women don’t realize it. I get a lot of messages also from women asking about situations with men. And almost always, the women are exploiting the men. A girl who is like, “Hey, I watched a video where you described this guy. I want to dump him but I don’t know how to do it because I’m seeing this other guy in the side.”
It’s just like, hey, woman up. That’s very lacking integrity on your part. So, here, we have a similar example here. She made out and held hands. It’s not as bad as sleeping with a guy and then not phoning him the next day, which is what stereotypically — a decade ago, that was what dudes were doing, but women are doing that now. They just want to have some fun. So she met her friend, they made out a bit, and now she’s like, “Oh, shit.” She can tell Edwin is getting too attached.
She’s just having some no strings attached fun, they started as friends, she wants to continue as friends. She was feeling it in the moment and making out but she doesn’t want to now get into a relationship with the guy. They were friends, but Edwin is like, “Oh, traditional courtship. Oh, aren’t you a virgin who dreams about marriage on the first date?” No, women aren’t like that anymore but they want their cake and eat it, too. They want you to treat them that way. I mean, that’s the societal programming you’re getting, Edwin, so it’s understandable why you’d be so confused.
But you know, they want their cake of feminism but they want to eat their cake of dating and hooking up and having fun and YOLO-ing it up. Edwin, it’s time to open your eyes to the modern dating situation, especially that most of the powers in the female side, especially in America, that they can have their cake and eat it, too. They want to be treated like princesses, and in the other hand, they want to be able to make out like players. That’s it. She went on a date — well, it wasn’t even a date. You guys said it was just friends, and the two of you hit it off that night, made out, held hands, played couple for a little bit, and then she played coy when she sensed that you were getting too attached because you were looking forward to the next date and looking forward to having a relationship.
She just wanted to keep you at arm’s length. She went a little too far for an innocent guy like yourself, Edwin. There are a lot of innocent guys out there. This is largely an American phenomenon. I mean, it’s most common in America. I feel for you American men. I feel for you American boys, but it doesn’t have to be that way. But I think there’s going to be a bounce back. Maybe in a few years, but probably it will get worse before it gets better for you guys in America.
There you go. I’m enjoying a movie, about to enjoy a movie in this wonderful new movie theater. This is the lounge that you get to hang out in before and it’s completely empty. They brought us some drinks with some nice cold towels. This is Bangkok. This is a beautiful place, one of my favorite places in the world, in fact, one of my favorite places to enjoy a movie.
So a Friday night here. I hope you’re enjoying wherever the heck you are. I’ll see you inside the private Man Up Facebook group. Click the link. Join the group. I’ll see you inside the group. Until then, David Tian, signing out and Happy New Year! Man Up!