Man Up | Ep. 144 • October 03, 2016
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
David’s also prepared free video courses that reveal how to get a new girlfriend, how to make friends anywhere, and how to talk to anyone. Click Here and scroll down the page to access these free resources.
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David Tian: Boom! Listen up. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and in this video I’m going to answer the question, “Should you hook up with a cheating girl just because she’s hot?” Welcome to Episode 144 of Man Up.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and this is Man Up!
Hey! This is David Tian, Ph.D. and for over the past ten years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success in life and love, and fulfillment and happiness. And here I am in Singapore. You can see some of the skyline behind me, and I’m answering a question from the private Facebook group. This one comes from Jake.
Jake asks – I’m going to summarize this question because it’s quite long. He asks – there’s a girl that he liked to hook up with, however he’s found out that she’s cheated on her boyfriend who he knows, and he’s asking – he says, “She’s really hot, and it behooves me to tear it –”
Okay, so before – to give you the context. He asked a dating coach what he should do, whether he should hook up with this girl, because part of his conscience says he shouldn’t. The dating coach’s answer, which he’s now copied and pasted is, “It would behoove you to tear it up with her once or twice, but certainly never make her your girlfriend.”
And then the guy goes on to say – the coach goes on to say, “Girls want what other girls want. And they really want what they think the girl with the most social proof wants. And then this coach goes on with this example of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, and he says, “If you’re single and want to instantly make the other females in your area want you, aim high and pull the girl with the highest social proof. Let it be seen. Social media is your friend in this instance.”
“Then when you grow tired of her, using her words to manipulate you, politely and amicably walk away. And then watch what happens. The other girls would just fall into place.” And then he says, “But this girl is not girlfriend material, so don’t get into a relationship with her.”
So, Jake asked me, “What do you think of this advice?” So, I think this is shit advice, and this is a great example of why game coaches suck in relationships and suck when it comes to giving advice on girlfriends. And here’s why. So, he’s saying, “Look, she’s really hot, so bang her and then let other people see it so that they’ll want to bang you, and then just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
And then when you want to find a girlfriend, then find a whole separate other girl. Now, here’s a problem. There’s this thing called philosophy, psychology, and self-cultivation that has been with us in human civilization for over 2500 years.
And all of the wisest, smartest people in the world, throughout human history, have all agreed on this one thing: that you are what you repeatedly do. And if you continue to compromise your values and your integrity just to bang some bitches, you’re fucking yourself up. It’s not just easy gratification; this is somebody who is moderately unhealthy.
And he decides, “Hey, look, I’m going to eat lots of Krispy Kreme donuts, lots of pizza and ice cream. And when I feel like I’ll finally get my six pack, I’ll just stop eating that.” Now unfortunately, if you go on a diet of pizza, and ice cream, and Krispy Kreme donuts for months and years on end, what’s going to happen to your body?
And then you just decide, “Oh yeah, I’ll just get my six pack whenever I want.” And that’s your physical body. The psychology is even harder to change. So, this is a pick-up coach. He calls himself a game coach. He coaches you on how to get girls with game, and seduction tricks, and manipulation.
And what he does is, he learned how to attract girls, how to go up to girls, meet them – it’s a big ass bus going by – how to go up to girls, meet them, date them, attract them, and then pump and dump. Or if you like them, keep them around and just keep having sexual relations with them.
And then they all have this illusion – it’s a fucking illusion. They’re fucked up in the head. They think that, “Hey, one day, magically, they can just become a chore. They can fuck around all the time and that it won’t affect their character, and it won’t affect their personality, and it won’t affect their psychology. Now, I’m here to tell you, that’s a total fucking lie.
And even worse: they’re telling other people, their students, to do the same. And this is just going to have disastrous, long-term consequences. So no, what you stick your dick in will actually affect the character level, the personality level.
Now, not so much the sexual acts, but it’s because you’re going to engage with her, you’re going to interact with her, you’re going to get into a relationship with her that might be as short as three or four hours, but probably will be 10, 20, 30, 40 or more contact hours. You’re going to be spending multiple nights with her, maybe a dozen nights with her, and this will affect your personality.
And the more that you compromise who you are – it’s a duck tour going by. I don’t know if you know what that means, but – in order for you to actually keep her in your life, and attract her, to game her, the more game you do, the more you fuck up yourself. How about that? You guys getting me with that? Because I’ve actually said this repeatedly in various Man Up episodes, but I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet for most guys.
So, here’s what I’m saying: most of those fucking game coaches who are telling you that you can manipulate these girls, play these social media games. I mean, you might see a girl who gives a shit a lot, who cares a lot, who gives a shit about who sees her social media, her Instagram selfies and stuff. And like, “Oh! Who liked it?” And you’re going to start engaging in that behavior.
You’re going to start posting this shit so that other low self-esteem, narcissistic women are going to see that and then go for you – all purely because of superficial shit. So, you have now attracted into your life superficial women by using superficial means, and then your life will become superficial.
And then if you expand that out, not just three months, four months, five months; one year, two years, three years doing this, it will have permanent damage to your personality. Just like if you decide to eat ice cream, pizza, and Krispy Kreme donuts for the next three years, you could very easily have permanent – there could be easily permanent consequences to your health.
Now, can you get out of that? Yes. I’m living proof of that, but it’s really difficult – and save yourself the three years of heartache, because man, those fucking Krispy Kreme donuts were not worth it. Sorry, Krispy Kreme. Once in a while, it’s okay, but here you go.
Jake, I hope I answered your question. Don’t mess with that shit and keep your integrity. Integrity is more important than pleasure. So, this is Episode 144. Sorry to our video editor, because I said that now at the end so you have to watch this whole thing to find out which episode this is. Episode 144.
Join the private Facebook group. You can ask your questions in there and I’ll see you inside. There’s a lot of great feedback and community building inside there. Great group of guys giving responses to guys right away, in the comments. And if the question warrants a video, I’ll make one just for you.
So, I’ll see you inside the private Facebook group. Until then, Man Up!