August 08, 2013
Table of Contents
Here in Singapore, it’s back-to-back public holidays and an extra long weekend. Today is Hari Raya and tomorrow is National Day! Selamat Hari Raya to you if you celebrate it! I wish you a great time with your family and loved ones!
With all this extra holiday time, it’s a great opportunity to go out on dates with girls. Today and in the next two days, I’ll be mailing you 3 Tips–key essentials–to make sure you have the smoothest and most pleasurable dates this extra long weekend.
Here’s TIP #1: Plan with the Final Destination in mind
Have you ever gone on dates that went nowhere? Have you ever started a date on a high, but then as time wore on, the energy just sort of died down? Have you ever wondered how to get the girl back to your place smoothly?
This tip is for those guys who find themselves unable to escalate with the girl on their dates, either emotionally or physically.
It’s all about logistics, my friend.
Smooth logistics leads to smooth escalation.
All it takes it a little planning foresight.
How to Date a Woman
Plan the date backwards. Start with where you want to end up. This could be your bedroom, or it could be a secluded place to park your car, or it could be a romantic spot on a hill or beach.
Wherever you want to end the date, plan backwards from there.
If I want to take the girl back to my apartment, I’ll do reconnaissance around my neighbourhood and find at least one good date spot within a 5-10 minute walk. Then, I’ll find at least three good date spots within a 5 minute taxi ride from my apartment. Then, I’ll find at least three more good date spots within a 10 minute taxi ride away. And I will continue doing reconnaissance for date spots further away and will continue adding good date spots to my lists as I find them.
Tips for Men
+ Mini Tip #1: A good date spot would be a place that sets a romantic mood, allows you to converse comfortably, and facilitates physical closeness. Don’t sit across a table from her. Look for a place that allows you to sit side by side, which will make it easier for you to break the touch barrier.
+ Mini Tip #2: Look to change venues every 60-90 minutes. When it comes to dating, most guys just pick a spot for dinner and just stay there for the entire date. That’s a huge mistake. Unless you keep the momentum moving forward, the energy will die down. So on a 3-hour date, you should be visiting 2-3 different places on your date.
Every time you change venues, you should be moving closer to your final destination.
I like to think of my final destination as a big “X” on a map. Then I draw concentric circles around my X at various radii. The first circle is walking distance from my X, and I plot where the good date spots are within walking distance on my mental map. The second circle is a 5 minute cab ride from my X, and I plot where the good date spots are within a 5 minute cab ride of my X. The third circle is a 10 minute cab ride from my X, and I plot where the good date spots are within a 10 minute cab ride of my X. And so on.
Every time we change venues, I will take us to a place that is closer to the X on my mental map. As the date goes on, we will get closer and closer to my X, which is my final destination. In my case, that means my hotel or apartment.
Dating Tips for men
This gives your date direction, keeps the energy going, generates forward momentum, gets the girl used to following your lead, demonstrates your leadership and dominance, and makes it a whole lot easier to end up in the place where you want the date to end.
Plan with the end in mind.
Essential TIP #2 for a Perfect First Date: Maximise Conversation
This one is simple but incredibly powerful. If you don’t do it right, you’re guaranteed to have a date that goes nowhere.
A very common date activity is a movie date. But this is a horrible mistake for a first date.
Have you ever been on a date where you and the girl spend time together but not feel any closer to each other? How is it possible that someone could spend two hours with you and still not learn a single interesting thing about you and you not learn anything unique about the other person?
Talking to Women
Easy. This happens when there is no conversation.
Without conversation, it is incredibly difficult for the girl to feel emotionally connected to you. And without that emotional connection, she won’t be able to trust you enough to take things further to the next level.
So for the first few dates, maximise your conversational opportunities.
Don’t take her to a movie or a concert or a performance where you can’t speak to each other the whole time.
Instead, take her to a place where the background music and noise is quiet enough that you can hear each other easily but loud enough that you can converse without feeling like others are listening. A chill bar or lounge would be great in this regard.
You can also do an activity together that allows conversation. For example, you could play pool, play video games in an arcade, sing together in a private karaoke room, or spend the day at an amusement park riding roller-coasters and munching on street snacks.
How to Hold a Conversation with a Girl
The essential key is to Maximise Conversation. Make sure you have plenty of time to talk and that the environment is conducive to conversation.
That way, you’ll be able to get to know each other much faster, she’ll feel comfortable with you and trust you much faster, and you’ll be able to connect emotionally, all of which will make her more and more attracted to you.
Key Dating TIP #3: Minimise Your Investment
You might have noticed that all of the tips I’ve been giving you have been dismantling common misconceptions of a “good date.”
In the first tip, we looked at why just picking the “date place” isn’t good enough. You have to plan out a course of action that moves you from one venue to another and always bringing you closer to where you want to end up.
The second tip was all about showing you why a “movie date” is a bad idea even though everybody seems to do it. Instead, you need to maximise conversation with her so she can feel emotional close to you, trust you, and feel comfortable enough to be alone with you.
It’s all about taking apart mainstream society’s bad social programming about dating.
And this third tip attacks one of the biggest misconceptions about dating that is holding men back from getting what they deserve in dating relationships: Investment.
One of the most well-known principles in economics and psychology is that the more you invest in something, the more you value it.
Similarly, the more she invests in you, the more she values you. The less she invests in you, the less she values you.
Unfortunately for us men, society puts a lot of pressure on us men to invest in women early on, from childhood even.
If you are like most men, you will need to make conscious effort to resist this bad social programming.
And this pressure only gets harder and worse as time goes on in a relationship.
What Attracts Women
So you absolutely MUST establish a pattern of mutual investment early on, on the first encounter with her, which is when it is easiest for you to do so.
Mutual investment simply means that you and the girl invest about equally in the relationship or interaction.
Some examples of how investment plays out in an early dating situation include:
-Who pays money for the date (more on this a little later)
-Who travels farther for the date
-Who talks more on the date
-Who puts in more effort for the date
If the girl has agreed to take time from her schedule to spend time with just you, then she is hoping you will be an attractive man. Don’t disappoint her.
The ironic thing is that she might start off being very attracted to you, but as you invest more and more time, effort, and emotions into her, she will become less attracted to you. And if you require very little investment from her for the date, she will become less attracted to you.
So she might have been very interested in you at the beginning, but then as the date goes on, if you invest more and more and she invests less and less, she will lose attraction for you and become disappointed.
What a woman really wants deep down inside is to be rewarded for her efforts, so let her put in some effort.
For example, instead of paying for everything, keep things equal and trade. Obviously, if you make more money than she does, you should shoulder a proportionate amount of the costs, but her contribution should never be zero. Otherwise, she will be disappointed and lose attraction for you.
Tips for Men
When it comes to investment, start small and build. Get her to pay for the cab fare after you paid for the drinks. Get her to pay for the dessert at the second place if you got the wine at the first place.
When the bill comes, simply say, “I’ll get this one if you get the next one.” As you learned from Tip #1, you should be moving venues every 60-90 minutes anyway, so this helps set up the momentum. You can get the first round and she can get the second round, etc. This is what mature adults do.
Instead of going out of your way to pick her up, suggest a meeting location that’s halfway between you and her and with interesting things to do in case one of you is late, such as a bookstore or the magazine section. As you learned from Tip #1, you should be meeting her no farther than halfway between your starting points. The closer to your final destination you can get her to meet, the easier everything will be.
A wonderful date idea is to cook for each other at your place. You can go to a gourmet grocery store together to get the ingredients. When you get home, just pop open a bottle of wine to sip while you guys cook.
Even better, just get her to cook everything for you, while you prepare the dining table. All the effort and thought she put into cooking for you will make her incredibly attracted to YOU after dinner. Ironic, isn’t it? And she’ll enjoy the date and experience that much more. It’s just a fact of human psychology.
Whatever you do, remember to keep the investment equal (or better yet, have her invest slightly more). The both of you should be putting in equal time, effort, thought, and emotions into your interaction and relationship.
The more she works for it, the more she will want it. The more she invests in you, the more she will value you. This holds just as true for the crucial first date.
So that’s it for your three tips, and I trust this will help you generate a lot of momentum in your dating life and get you smoothly escalating on your dates.
Again, if this is something you feel I can help you more with, I would definitely love to share what I know. I’ve helped thousands of men in Singapore and around the world experience life-changing transformation in their dating lives, their social lives in general, and in overall self-development. I don’t teach men to pretend. I help them to become.
Connect with David Tian here:
DTPHD Podcast Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dtphdpodcast/
Man Up Show Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/