In pickup artist culture, men see women’s natural defenses as tests and shields: Pass these “shit tests” and break through her “bitch shields,” and you win her love and affection.
But women aren’t sitting around scheming elaborate tests or plotting shields. They’re responding to lived experiences, not imagined battle plans. That’s why these pickup artist tricks, while they can work in the short-term, never result in lasting love and connection.
They’re based on lies, drenched in sexual shame, and actively work against your goals of lasting connection.
The solution is much harder – it means reframing her defenses as your projections. It means taking ownership of how shame makes you react. And it’s about seeing her defenses as invitations for patience, curiosity, and compassion.
This path is much harder. But it’s the only path towards real connection.

There are two strategies most men deploy when they’re dating, but insecure. Either they try the “Nice Guy” approach or its opposite, the pickup artist approach.
But even though these strategies are polar opposites, they suffer the same moral flaw of concealment. Whenever you put on a mask over yourself, you sever the possibility of authentic connection.
The solution?

What do you do after you fall short of your values? If you’re like most of us, you deflect, you hide, and you collapse into toxic shame that severs your self-trust and self-respect.
But there’s another way to deal with your failures that can actually improve your relationship with yourself and others.
This other way?

Most people walk around fighting an invisible war inside themselves.
On the outside, they play the part of the “good person.” But behind the mask lurk the emotions they’ve been told are unacceptable—envy, lust, anger, cruelty, shame. In families, in religions, in schools, the lesson was drilled in: don’t show that side of yourself.
So those parts get buried. But buried parts don’t disappear. They fester. They leak out as addictions, compulsions, betrayals, and self-sabotage. And the harder you try to repress them, the more control they end up having over your life.
Here’s the twist: those disowned parts aren’t your enemy. They hold the raw energy you need for growth, intimacy, and even leadership.

Most people, thanks to religious, cultural, or family baggage, carry around the unnecessary burden of toxic sexual shame. Sometimes this isn’t even your own shame, it’s been passed down through generations under the guise of virtue.
Here’s the problem:
Unchecked sexual shame seeps into your relationships, your leadership, and threatens your very fulfillment of life. Even if it was never yours to carry.
That’s why it’s imperative to lift your burden of sexual shame. Not only will it keep your relationships shallow, but it will also shatter your sense of self-trust and corrode your confidence.
Worst part?
Sexual shame often manifests in the worst possible ways: in compulsions, addictions, secrecy, and self-sabotage.
That’s the bad news.
The good news?

There’s one ingredient missing from many high achievers’ lives that drains all the fulfillment from their success, turns small failures into a life-or-death scenario, and slowly poisons your relationships at home and at work.
Worst part?
Most high achievers have conditioned themselves into believing that this missing ingredient is a weakness to be snuffed out at each step. So, they trap themselves in a toxic cycle that keeps repeating no matter how many of the variables they try to change.
The missing ingredient?
Compassion.
Not only is compassion not a weakness, but it’s a strength that expresses your maturity.