June 20, 2013
The first step to becoming a sexually attractive Asian man is to develop leadership in yourself. This is the third instalment on “Leadership.”
Every empowered Asian man I’ve ever met knows how to take charge. They are leaders. But this kind of leadership does not depend on status or position given by some external authority. Drop him into a brand new social setting and, absent another strong and effective leader, he will naturally begin to have people looking to him for leadership. At nightclubs, a leader takes the initiative in deciding how many bottles of what beverage to order for the group. He knows, or quickly ascertains, where the good after-parties are and motivates people to follow him there. When a belligerent drunk intrudes on their group and threatens the girls, a leader doesn’t wait around to see what the other guys will do but instead quickly intervenes and protects his group.
What Attracts Women
Overwhelming evidence from evolutionary data supports the universal sexual appeal that comes from being a leader. Females would rather have a part of a leader than all of a loser. The most surefire way of winning over a woman is to show your leadership over other people, especially other competing men. This is bad news for followers but great news for leaders and those who aspire to lead.
Of course, you need to realize that being a leader does not mean that you run roughshod over the interests of others, or that you force others to do your will. As a leader, you do take into account the desires of the group, and you act according to their and your best interests. As a leader, though, you take ultimately responsibility for making important decisions that affect the entire groupwhere you go next, when you leave the venue, where you will eat supper, who can roll with you, what the vibe of the group will be like, and so forth.
How to Attract Women
This kind of leadership does not necessarily involve that ethereal, mystical quality endlessly expounded in the countless reams of management and self-help literature, whatever that is supposed to be. It’s also not just about how to lead large groups or companies. Rather, it applies to little things such as taking the initiative to ask for the check when you and your friends are done eating and ready to go to the next venue.
I know plenty of Asian men who are leaders in their school clubs, sports teams, and music ensembles. Even more Asian men are leaders in their companies and places of employment. These activities are all good and help to build leadership skills. But outside of these environments in which they have been granted formal authority, many Asian men become passive followers, especially in casual social settings. You need to learn to lead naturally, in a variety of settings. œNatural leaders don’t wait for external recognition or approval. They naturally see a need for someone to take charge, and they readily step-up. This is what it means to be a œnatural leader.
Here’s an example for you nerds-in-disguise. In that 2009 Star Trek movie, when the young James Kirk believed that the Enterprise was flying into an ambush, he did not wait until he had the rank to challenge Spock or the current captain. He led by going to those in charge directly and telling the ostensible leaders what ought to be done.
Turning to a more down-to-earth example, some major cities in Asia are governed by paternalistic governments. One prominent example is Singapore, which runs a harmonious and relatively peaceful society. Violent crime is very low. And for a densely populated Asian city, the human and vehicular traffic flows smoothly and efficiently. However, one of the prices paid for this societal harmony is a docile, obedient, and passive society.
If what they’re after is a crime-free and industrious society, these are exactly the kind of people they should be rearing. They want men who will stand patiently in a queue for forty-five minutes without complaint. They want men unable to jay walk or even to chew gum out of fear of criminal punishment. Their paternalism can cause men to be afraid to speak up when strangers shove them on the sidewalk or in a bar. While Singapore does have its share of local alpha males, the city is replete with men who will take it on the chin and keep trudging.
But then the local Singaporean men wonder why Western expats or visitors sometimes have a comparatively easier time with Singaporean women. But it’s no wonder that men who were raised in an environment that encouraged them to take initiative, to step-up in a leadership vacuum even when they don’t have the formal authority to do so, and to assume responsibility for making snap decisions will be the type of men that women are naturally attracted to. This kind of attraction is biological; it’s not a choice. Women are evolutionarily hardwired to respond to true leaders.
That’s not to say that Singapore doesn’t have its fair share of local alpha males and natural leaders. Throughout my travels in Asia, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and seeing local alpha males in Asia, most of whom were also natural leaders.
What Women Find Attractive
In Beijing several years ago–when I was really first starting out learning about dating and attraction–one of my mentors was Ma Yong, the leader of a small-time Chinese heishehui (“black society”) outfit based in the suburbs. Wherever he went, he attracted, almost effortlessly, incredibly beautiful women. Even when I occasionally brought along my female acquaintances, he worked his magic and attracted them faster than I could; I wasn’t complaining since I was learning so much about social dynamics from him.
After a couple of months of this, though, I think he felt sorry for me. I still clearly remember sitting with him, just the two of us, in a busy restaurant when he explained he learned early on just how important being a leader was in getting women. He even confessed to me that other gang leaders resented him because whenever they brought their girlfriends around, the girls were inevitably drawn more to him. Ma Yong was the first to teach and demonstrate to me the significance of natural leadership.
Ma Yong pointed out that it really comes down to a lot of little things that most people don’t consciously recognize, but when added up, demonstrate unconsciously to everyone present that he is the natural leader of the group. This is the real power of natural leadership. Because you don’t have formal authority or position, people won’t feel like they are being forced to obey. Because you perform many small acts of leadership, people unknowingly begin to accept your leadership. By the time the major decisions come up, the group is already accustomed to following your lead.
Tips for Men
What sort of little things was he talking about? One time after we finished our meal he asked the wait staff for our bill. He pointed out that he was the one who decided it was time to go and asked for the bill. I hadn’t even noticed it was he who asked and not I. But then I realized he was right; I knew we had finished our meal about ten minutes ago, and we had talked about moving to a pub for a beer, so the natural thing would be to ask for the bill. But I didn’t ask for it. I was already used to waiting until Ma Yong decided we were ready to go. Surely, it can’t just be asking for the bill. That’s so easy. There must be something really hard about being a leader, right? Otherwise, everybody would do it. The good news is that, yes, it is that easy. And only a small minority of men realize how important it is to take the initiative in making these little decisions. What else is involved? Ma Yong continued, œWhen there is no clear consensus about where to go or what to do next, you must make a decision and act on it.
As I continued to be schooled by this natural Asian leader, he taught me to use the available information I had to make decisions. He said I should form decisions quickly and stick with them. He told me to always be firm, and act as if I know what I’m doing, even if I don’t. He said to deal with the consequences as they arise, roll with it, and be flexible. I learned that leading is not about shoving your views or opinions down the throats of others. But in the absence of clear consensus, a leader needs to step-up and make a firm and rapid decision. That is how you become a true leader, you simply lead in many small ways.
Check back soon when I delve into the second and third traits of a sexually attractive Asian man and show you how you can develop them in yourself so you too can have an abundant sexual, dating, and love life!
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