Man Up | Ep. 68 • February 02, 2016
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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How To Turn A Woman On
In episode 68 of man up, I answer the question of: How to turn a woman on?
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up!
Hi, I’m David Tian, Ph.D. and welcome to episode 68 of man up. I’m here again in Jakarta hanging out in a suite with some friends. Taking the opportunity to shoot the videos and they’ve agreed because they don’t mind being on the video.
Episode 68 answering Mike’s question, “how do I turn a woman on?” has a long context for it but it basically boils down to how do I do that. Luckily for Mike, I’ve created an entire course for us on this question. It’s a really old course… ah, well, it’s old for me, right. But I… just so people know, it’s called “The Desire System”. You can find it from the social man. It’s a company run by my buddies. It’s call the social man.
You can find the desire system there. You can write directly to them at firstname.lastname@example.org she can hook you up with it. I get know commission on that… I just put that out there. I was a talent on that. We develop that like seven years ago. Since in those seven years, I’ve evolved a lot so we re-shot it two years later.
It’s been five since the new version of “The Desire System”. It’s a tandem course so when you get the desire, get “Lust” as well. Those are two awesome courses that I created for the social man and “The Desire System” and “Lust” are both on this concept on how to turn women on using your thoughts. It’s through the science of “mirror neurons”. You can google it and read all about it. This is standard science now. It’s like a starting point for a lot of other science. It’s not controversial in the sense of like there are such things.
So there are mirror neurons where people – human beings – are able to feel other people’s emotions just like that. Bypasses the prefrontal cortex which is part of your brain which is responsible for processing verbal language and processing, like math and higher cognitive functioning. So whatever you say doesn’t really matter because the girl’s feeling you in a sense like she’s feeling your emotions. So when you’re really nervous, doesn’t really matter what you say.
She feels weirded out because you’re nervous. You’re projecting nervousness on to her. If you feel confident and sexual, doesn’t really matter what you say again, like you can say the dumbest things. But girls will feel the good feelings from you. Because it’s happening not in the prefrontal cortex but in the older parts of the brain that have mirror neurons.
She’s feeling your feelings, she’s actually then there’s another concept you should look up that’s related to mirror neurons which is emotional contagion. Your emotions are contagious. If you feel nervousness, she feels nervousness and get weirded out. If your feeling sexual arousal, she’ll feel sexual arousal. If you can maintain that connection long enough until the mirror neurons take effect and it’s very fast. Within a minute, it can happen. In fact, it can happen within five seconds. But it often takes longer but no more than a minute. And all you need to do is get her defenses down.
If she’s like suspicious and guarded and she thinks you’re doing something weird, she’ll think you want something and you have an agenda. Like that’s what most guys who approach women have. They have an agenda. They want to get something from her. They want to get a kiss, get her number.
They want to get! Get! Get! And when a woman consents that you want to get, because you’re projecting it, because then again the emotions are contagious, she’s going to guard. She’s going to keep her guard up. And she’s not going to… she’s going to reject those emotions. She’s going to feel them and weirded out. But if you can come in and not make her defensive but just as a good guy. Like you’re coming in talking about innocent things.
You have a good reason to speak to her. Or if you want to take that risk, and I do recommend guys do take these… the slight risk of going direct and being direct about your intentions with women that you’ve just met. Help you grow some balls, right. And you want to make your appearance look presentable so that she’ll accept you from the first pass. She’ll say “okay, he looks good enough. Let’s see what else he’s got.” You want to get her to think that. So you got to look presentable.
Most guys who write to me, I’d say the majority of guys – seventy percent or more – of guys who are looking for advise online for dating have bad present… have bad appearance. They have bad fashion, bad grooming, bad body language, bad eye contact, bad tonality. Every single one of those factors is hampering their communication from getting in. There are emotions from getting in. Actually hampering themselves from getting in.
All of those are covered in “Desire” and covered in “Limitless”. In this new course about 10 times bigger… at least ten times bigger than “Desire”. Ten times more momentous but also more expensive is “Limitless”. In “Limitless” I cover each one of those in extreme detail for two hours module each. On body language, two hours… eye contact, two hours… vocal tonality… roughly, I think it’s three hours in body language. And then, four hours in fashion. We cover all of these in “Limitless”. We open up “Limitless” to a couple times a year, so look out for that.
I’ve also created a free course that it’s difficult for me to distill all those, like sixty plus… seventy plus hours of course content and try to find a way to present it in a bite size free video course or a free course. We’re creating it now… it will be released soon. Look for the free course on how to turn a woman on. Okay, it’s a pretty course on how to turn a woman on. We’ll be releasing it soon but basically here’s how you do it.
The first step is you have to make yourself presentable. So if you don’t know whether you’re presentable, because you haven’t worked on yourself and by the way if you haven’t worked on yourself, if you haven’t educated yourself on fashion, if you haven’t gotten education on fashion, on postures, or on vocal tonality or on eye contact, then you probably doing it wrong.
These are things you just learn coming out of the womb. These aren’t things that society teaches you. These aren’t things schools teach you. They don’t want you to be sexual… they just want you to be a good student. They’re not going to teach you this. If you haven’t been educated, you’ve got to educate yourself. Or you can go for a makeover so you can afford it. You can go to a fashion stylist at a good shop in Singapore. I can recommend some to you if you write to me. I get no commission out of that. So you can do that. If you’re in a major city, they often have fashion stylist for you that you can go one on one. They can give you a wardrobe makeover and so on.
So assuming you look presentable, then what you need to do is just talk to her like normal human being. It can be a platonic conversation. Actually, it’s best if it is platonic. You just have to be really friendly but you start getting aroused in yourself. So you start feeling a bit horny or whatever, right? And when you’re talking to her and try to imagine sexual thoughts and you get aroused. That will actually transfer to her in a matter of seconds.
Now, here’s what most guys do wrong! They start getting aroused but because they’re sexually immature, they don’t know how to sit with it. Because when you’re sexually mature, you can have sexual energy and without following through on it. You can just feel aroused all day! And it’s tremendously a powerful thing and if you’ve done any Tantra, you know how to move these energies around. But if you’re immature sexually… sexually inexperienced and you get aroused, you’re going to get all “hihihi” and get out for control.
You would probably verbalize, voice things and say things that are sexual and that’s wrong, that’s bad, that’s too much. When you’re going sexual in the mind and channel of the thoughts and the channel of the verbal, it’s too much. She’s going to put her guard up. She’s going to block you. Block you and say no and you’re going to repel her. So you want to have get her guard down and just talking about innocent things and start feeling sexual around her.
Eventually when she starts to accept that, she’ll start to feel aroused, you’ll wait for those signs of her preening, maybe touching herself, maybe touching you, maybe leaning in, asking more questions, being attentive to you. Scientifically what you are looking for, but are harder to spot, but are scientifically pretty strong is dilated pupils, engorged lips, shortening of breath, show all those signs of arousal – are signs of arousal.
Look for those but basically if you’re feeling sexual and you’re having an innocent conversation with her for minutes like anywhere from one to five minutes, it’s already happening and you just take it for granted. And then if she’s still accepting it, just lead. Maybe you want to lead her somewhere.
So if you’re having a conversation on the couch, you’d want to say, “hey, let’s go grab a drink. Come with me.” And you can go to the bar or go to the coffee maker, whatever, and you bring her over. If she follows you, game on, right? So you’re good to go. And then maybe you can start to say the things that are more personal like “I really like ‘x’ about you”. That’s a subject for a whole other course. How to verbally escalate. But you don’t need to verbally escalate in order to arouse a woman.
You can start with the mental… with the emotional… you can start feeling aroused with yourself. Now if you’re sexually inexperienced, you’re not going to know how to control this but that’s going to take time. Okay, it’s going to take time. But there you go, that’s a very powerful thing. I cover that thoroughly in “The Desire System”. I cover that even more thoroughly in “Limitless” and I’ve just created a free course on that and it’s coming out soon, how to turn a woman on. Look out for it.
In the meantime, join the private Facebook group and ask me some questions. I’ll see you in the private group. Until next time, man up!