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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has helped hundreds of thousands of people from over 87 countries find happiness, success, and fulfillment in their social, professional, and love lives. His presentations – whether keynotes, seminars, or workshops – leave clients with insights into their behavior, psychology, and keys to their empowerment. His training methodologies are the result of over a decade of coaching and education of thousands of students around the world. Join him on the “DTPHD Podcast” as he explores deep questions of meaning, success, truth, love, and the good life. Subscribe now.
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Episode 10 Show Notes
05:36 The most common mistake men make when pursuing women
09:17 How do you recognize your adaptive self
14:35 Is it normal to have multiple personas?
18:06 How does one reveal their true self
23:48 Doing these activities can help you achieve happiness and fulfillment
28:02 That factor that causes damage to men
33:35 Has feminism gone too far?
37:28 This happens when a female adopts a male-mating strategy
42:15 How being enlightened can change the way you enjoy life
47:05 Why haters hate
Truth, love, and the good. Here we go.
David Tian, Ph.D.: Welcome to the DTPHD Podcast. I’m David Tian, Ph.D., and for over the past 11 years, I’ve been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfillment in life and love, and welcome to a new podcast episode. I’m doing this solo, and I’m back in Bangkok, my usual haunting grounds, stomping grounds, and I am using this podcast to address a reader comment and question.
Actually, it’s not so much of a question as more of an attack. I’m going to be reading that out and analyzing that. I think it’s quite helpful in case anyone else has similar questions in mind, and I’m going to read it out because it’s quite entertaining.
The other thing is — I want to say is there are two main concepts in this, and the first that I’ll be covering and drawing out of it is, how does my current content or the current lessons, or material that I cover, differ from what I had been doing three or four years ago as a dating coach? So, I’ll get into that, and then the second is on feminism. And it’s also good to pull back the curtain, so to speak, to show people what actually is inside the minds — in case they haven’t. In case they haven’t figured that out themselves, because we live in bubbles now because of the way social media algorithms work.
So a lot of people who would otherwise have empathy or sympathy for this type of man generally doesn’t get to meet these type of people or understand them. And so, because of that, they can’t understand them very well. So those are the two concepts or themes I’ll be covering in this podcast. Also, I noticed that I when I look at the video, I tend to speak faster and I’m a lot more demonstrative with my arms and physical movement because I’m trying to take up the space in the screen, and I’m also a lot louder. So I’m going to be looking — I’m going podcast audio first for this, so I’m going to be looking at the might and the screen that I’ll be reading off of first so I’m not busting your ear drums if you’re listening to this on earphones or something.
Alright, let’s get into this. So this is originally sent as a message to me and a comment, and it was originally a comment. So it’s quite long. I’m going to be reading out just parts of it, and I’ll be skipping to the bottom first, so here we go.
“We men are collectively allowing ourselves to be fucked over to unimaginable proportions.” Actually, that’s part of the original attack on women stuff. Okay, so I’m going to — where is it here? Okay, yes.
“I think your teachings are mostly excellent” I was referencing some books. Oh, okay it says, “I think it’s very dishonest of you to continue selling Invincible or Limitless.” Okay, first of all, we’re no longer selling Limitless. We took that off the market two years ago, just so that’s clear. Why did we take Limitless off the market and retire it to our vault, so you can still get access to it, if you got what we call Platinum Partnership, which gives you access to every single product and piece of content that I’ve ever made that we still have in recording format.
Limitless is a 60+ hour course that took me many years to create, and I’m still quite proud of it. It’s still very good. I would say that I’d stand behind like 95% of it. And just with that last 5%, I decided to take it off the market just because I didn’t want to have to — I didn’t want people to misunderstand in case the guy is focused too much on that 5%. So things like shit tests, and I would teach those things differently.
And so, anyway, Limitless is still pretty good, but we stopped selling that over two years ago, just so that’s clear, so you’re misinformed. His name is Insidious Joker. Insidious Joker, you are misinformed. Okay, so Invincible. Invincible, we’re still putting out there. We’ll probably discontinue maybe in a year or so, either that or we’re going to have to overhaul it completely. It is, in a way, my attempt to meet all of the different markets or segments of people who come to look for help from me.
You can find help on getting better with women. Lots of advice there, and there’s also a lot of mindset and psychology, rewiring of your beliefs and getting more emotional control and regulations. And there’s also a lot of masculinity. So, it’s our intro course, in a way. I know we have a lot of people who are interested in getting better with women, so we meet their needs. But also in addition, we give them what they actually need at an even deeper level, which is more self-confidence, and self-esteem, and understanding their own self-worth. And then getting motivation and drive as well.
So Invincible’s sort of like the one-stop shop for all of that. So there you go, in case you didn’t know what Invincible was. And he says, “Since you are now claiming that you believe that approach is cultivating a false self…” So, it’s true that it could be cultivating a false self, but that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. So just in case — so there is a video series called Modern Mating Explained, in which I really hammer home the notion or the idea that the false self is something that you don’t want to put all of your identity into.
One of the mistakes that guys make who are embarking on the get better with women journey is that they actually aren’t proud of themselves. They don’t actually love the selves that they are when they start that journey. And they want to replace that self with a whole new self, and that whole new self becomes a false self. And another term for false self is persona, so I’ll use persona.
So it’s actually fine to have a persona, as long as you know that it’s there for a specific reason and that you’re adopting this persona for specific purposes; that you’re not confusing it with your true self, or your original self, or the self that you are at your core or anything like that. So the way to happiness and fulfillment is realizing that, or coming to terms with who you are at your core and working through that.
So the false self, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. It’s only bad if you think that the false self is actually your true self. That’s bad. Otherwise, here’s another term for it, ‘adaptive self’. And an adaptive self, as I’ve said in many other context, as I’m trying to write the ship on this, in case guys — Because I made the Modern Mating Explained video series to speak to the men who are coming out of the pick-up artist background or have been exposed to that and are finding me through that avenue, because I know a lot of guys are still finding me through there.
So that’s speaking to them, and I wanted to put it quite strongly that they need to stop doing that. Because it’s easy to delude yourself into thinking, “Okay, I’m just trying to learn how to get better with fashion and learn some conversation tips” or whatever. But in reality, it’s going to be really hard for the average guy, especially the average nice guy, to get good at game without overhauling his identity. And the most effective pick-up artist methods are actually identity-based.
So that means that you’re jettisoning who you were before when you started out and replacing it with a new sexy archetype. And sorry, I haven’t given talks in a while. I’m not breathing correctly or anything like that. It also affects my throat. So the persona, false self, adaptive self, they’re all synonyms. The terms are pointing out different things. When I use the word ‘false self’, I’m contrasting that with the true self. The persona is a Jungian and it’s connected to archetypes.
And personas are fine as long as you’re using them for specific purposes. The adaptive self is a really great way of looking at it because it’s pointing out that you’re adapting to the situation, to the environment. So you have an adaptive self in the board room if you’re the boss or the employee. You have an adaptive self if you’re teaching children, or another adaptive self if you’re playing with children. You’re in your adaptive self when you’re trying to romance your wife or your husband, and you have another adaptive self when you’re just hanging out with your friends.
And those adaptive selves, and I’ll be getting into this in much more detail, this literally requires several hours of explication. I’m producing that very soon, shooting that series of videos pretty soon. But there’s a distinction between the true self that you should keep in mind and the various parts of your broader self. And those various parts all have their uses and their places. So adaptive selves can be very adaptive, like in the evolutionary sense of helping you get along in life.
So there’s an adaptive self, and that adaptive self might be the sexy, charismatic person, and that’s a very useful thing. Charisma’s a very useful thing, and I wish it upon all of us to be able to exude that, and that’s something you can learn, just like method acting is something you can learn and that you can get better at. It’ll come in any handy in any walk of life, being able to adapt, and connect with people, and put off a certain air or perception, to create perceptions of yourself in other people that are conducing to some ends that you have that will help you flourish in life.
So taking a guy who is socially awkward and making him more socially adaptive is a good thing. And I never said that was a bad thing. So just to hit off the criticism — actually, let me read this out because it’s so entertaining. “Invincible does call for doing affirmation and becoming your superhero, after all.” So, there’s nothing wrong with affirmations. It’s only if that’s all you do, then that’s something wrong.
And if the affirmation is a replacement of your true self. So, if you’re so ashamed of your true self that you want to replace it with this false self, then saying, “It’s always on. She wants me” repeatedly as part of your true self — like saying, “She doesn’t want my true self. She’ll want me if I’m this way only, if I pretend to be James Bond. And I hope, desperately, that James Bond is me”, well then, that’s harmful, obviously, because you’re jettisoning your other selves to latch onto the false self and then that’s going to be, basically, empty at his core; empty for you in terms of your pleasure deriving from it, but also empty because it will be easily toppled, that false self, because it’s based on the validation and approval of other people.
And so, the actual affirmations that you can do it, if you work hard enough, and all of these other good-sounding things, like positive thinking, in and of itself, is a good thing to do, so there’s nothing wrong with affirmations in and of themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with becoming better, so becoming your superhero is basically listing out, “What are the things that you would like to learn?”
Now, this can be good and bad. The bad is if you’re so ashamed of yourself, your current self, that you want to jettison that and lose that to replace it with a false self of the seductive guy, and that’s your superhero, and you hate the person you are now, or you’re ashamed of it or the way you are now, then that’s bad. But if it’s just a matter of becoming better, like you want to lose 5kg of fat like I do right now, or you want to gain 5kg of muscle, or you just want to be able to speak better, or whatever it is, you want to dress better, and that’s part of your superhero, so to speak, that’s fine.
And in fact, that’s not just fine, that’s good. It’s good to become better at things. And a lot of guys just don’t know what their superhero is like. So that exercise of — because there are many different paths that you could become to be a better person. And we have a finite amount of time, so the exercise of sitting down and thinking about what your better version of yourself would look like, whether you can speak more language, or you’re in better shape, or you have various other skills, or that you have travelled the world, or whatever adventure, or that you’re maybe more spontaneous — whatever those things are, those are a good thing to sit down and write out and think about, reflect on. “What would I like to improve about myself if I could do so?” So there’s nothing wrong with that.
And he says, “That’s an adaptive self.” Right again. Like just even that term ‘adaptive self’ doesn’t sound like a bad thing, right? It’s good to adapt. I mean, all of evolution is based on adaptation. So a maladaptive self would be a bad thing. An adaptive self is a very good thing. He says, “So I had done all of the Invincible exercises, then I saw this series of videos. I felt betrayed, to be honest.”
And I feel for you. I feel, in a sense, disappointed because you had done the exercises but you didn’t get the point of them. So it’s one thing to just go through the paces or go through the motions, but I’ll show the listener why, I think, he didn’t get the point of them. But that’s coming up later.
“So I had done all of the Invincible exercises and then I saw this series of videos. I felt betrayed, to be honest. Beforehand, I was delusionally admittedly thinking, “Now, I’m finally on the correct path.” And I saw these videos where you were attacking the whole premise of a program for which I paid, was to me, a lot of money. More importantly, I spent a lot of my time doing it. Yet, here you are denouncing the whole thing and now saying “Get therapy.””
So, I want to clear this up. That’s not what I’m doing at all. So I’m sorry that you feel betrayed, because hopefully you’re listening to this, and you can come to see that, although I doubt that you will, but hopefully you can come to see that there’s nothing bad in Invincible. I’ll address these here.
“I saw these videos. You were attacking the whole premise of a program.” Okay, so I suppose he thinks that the premise of Invincible is to become a false self. And I’ve hopefully already have shown that that is a fine — it’s fine to put on a persona. It’s fine to be more sexually attractive in a bar, or when you’re with your friends, or on a date, to be able to be social and charismatic, and witty, and then there’s also those times when you’re not feeling like being witty so you’re not witty, but it’s a good skill to do that. So, I recommend everyone go to improv comedy to train their spontaneity. And of course, method acting to get more in touch with your emotions and so on. I think these are all very good things.
So in Invincible, like I said, there are two main parts to it. On the one hand, I get into your mindset and your beliefs and what PUA’s call ‘your inner game’ which is, so to speak, your psychology. And then on the other hand, there are ‘how-tos’ of how to be a better conversationalist, what kind of body language, vocal tonality, facial expressions would produce X, Y, Z effect in others, generally speaking. And I started the whole Modern Mating Explained video series saying that that alone can help the type of people who don’t have deep, therapeutic issues.
And I’ve worked with people like that, and it’s been a joy to work with them because they’re quick learners when it comes to those types of tips and techniques and material. Now, in Invincible, not only are those ‘how-to’ techniques really helpful when you have dealt with your therapeutic issues, or are dealing with them — because no one’s ever done growing.
But as you’re growing and developing in personal growth and maturity, they will become easier and easier to learn and pick up because your self-worth won’t be so identified with the way that others perceive you and won’t be so wrapped up in your clothing, for one. And I address that in Invincible, why it’s so hard for a lot of guys to change their fashion. But also, the sound of your voice, the way you move, your facial expressions, and how your identity is so wrapped up in all of those. And when you change those, it feels to shame-base people, which is many guys, that they’re changing their self instead of just moving their arm differently or standing differently.
They feel like they’re becoming a different person. So you pay attention to that, and the more that you are able to split that up so that you’re able to see, “I can be who I am no matter what I wear. I can be who I am at my core no matter how I stand or move. I can be who I am at my core no matter what words I’m joking around with, or being angry with. I can be quite flexible with my self-expression and yet still be true to myself.” That’s where method acting helps you to stay in touch with your core, or your true self and get in touch with various parts of you, various personas, which are useful to have, and that are actually required to get on in life.
And by the way, the true self is more like an orchestra conductor. I’m going to do a whole video series on the true self because I see — well, first of all, I see a lot of ignorance around it, and I was ignorant about it until a few years ago. So, I’ll do a longer series on this. But the true self is like an orchestra conductor, and the true self doesn’t really make the music himself. The orchestra conductor is using the various parts of the orchestra to make the music. And those various parts of the orchestra are like your adaptive selves or personas.
Now, the neurosis comes in when there’s one part of the orchestra that you think is really sexy. Let’s switch to like a jazz band, and you might think that the alto sax is like the sexiest instrument and that’s the end all be all of the whole personality. And so, the alto just basically stands up and tells all the other instruments to shut up and be quiet and then it plays the solo on and on and on. It actually becomes very tired as a result in overuse. In fact, it’s what the alto player didn’t even really want to do but he felt like he had to because then the other selves were standing up, or the jazz orchestra conductor was completely absent so he had to take over.
And then you bring in the idea of trauma and attack which is what creates all of those situations in the first place, and then you get a better understanding of the relation between the true self and the various parts. But there’s nothing wrong with the adaptive self and learning how to be better at conversation, how to make people laugh. These are all good things. And so far as Invincible, with half of Invincible teaches those how-tos, I still fully 100% stand behind that.
Also, because a lot of guys buy these products, these programs, programs like Invincible, to learn those things. So, I have to deliver that. I have to give that to them. If I just bait and switch them totally by just, “You wanted some conversation advice and things like that — but no, we’re just going to rewire your mindset completely.” I know 80% or more of the guys who go through the program most value those parts. But if at the beginning of the course, if I told them, at their mindset back then, that they’re just going to be getting a rewiring, they’d be like, “Hey, I wanted these conversation tips.” So I give both.
And the more that you do the inner game material, the easier it will be for you to implement the outer game, so to speak, the exterior changes. And you know, the easier and the quicker, and the less neurotic it will be in that adaptation. So, Invincible is one of those rare courses that does everything, so I still stand behind that. There’s no issue there or no conflict between what I’m covering in my current material. I see no conflict anyway between what I’m covering in my current material that I’m putting out and what I cover in Invincible.
In fact, they’re very complementary, especially the mindset in psychology parts of Invincible which I’m just extending now and have been extending, and have extended in Rock Solid Relationships, and Masculine Mastery, another course I have, and have extended into Lifestyle Mastery and extended into other courses that I’m putting out now. So I fully stand behind Invincible.
I’m not denouncing the whole thing at all. I’m now just saying get therapy. I mean, it’s one of those annoying things, reductionism, right? And it’s so common with the old following. One thing I want to point out is that part of the struggle, and you can see me stumbling here a little bit because I’m trying not to hurt the guy’s feelings — because I’m very aware of how fragile their egos are and I don’t want to offend them. Because as soon as I offend them directly, they just shut down and don’t listen at all.
So at least maybe 20% of what I’m saying is getting into their minds, but I know a big part of their ego is going to be on defense here. That’s part of the struggle of switching audiences. And for the past few years, I’ve been struggling, you could say, to figure out how best to meet the needs of the guys who are coming to me to get better with women, and in the relationships, but also to move forward into attracting a different audience of people who are less neurotic, less dealing with their core insecurities, and more looking to — They have great lives and they just want to make them even greater.
And then there’s a big overlap. There’s also a big overlap between the old pick-up community and those who are looking to grow in their psychological maturity. And so, I’ve enjoyed meeting those people’s needs and learning from them as well. But this is one of those cases where the reductionism is so common in the old pick-up group, the old pick-up community. Because they want it quick and easy. So it’s like, “Here’s a series of four to six hours of video.” And he reduces it to “Get therapy.”
I hope you’re all intelligent enough to realize that that just can’t be the case. I said a lot of things and I’m quite nuanced with what I say. When I say the false self, I’m contrasting that with the true self and I’m trying to draw your mind and your attention to the fact that the false self would be a bad thing if you thought the false self was your true self.
But then when I use the adaptive self as a term to describe basically the same thing, that I’m saying it’s a good thing, that the adaptive self or false self have their uses and has its uses. It’s a part of you. It’s a part of you as much as the true self is, but it’s not your core self. And if you let that adaptive self run your life, you’re not going to have fulfillment, and satisfaction, and happiness in life. So it’s not just “Get therapy.”
Therapy, along with meditation, method acting, improv comedy for those who need to work on spontaneity and getting loose and easy-going, laid back, and fitness, and all of these things help you in all of their different ways. It’s just that fitness, a lot of people are already doing that. Meditation is like a big trend right now. So, I’m not pushing that as much because a lot of people are doing that. And you know, yoga, I don’t push that because a lot of people are doing it.
So most of these other things that have a big sub-culture pushing all of these, therapy, I don’t see that, so I’m the one championing therapy because I think it’s the one that’s most neglected out of all the different things that I think are awesome to do. But it’s hard to get people to do it because it’s also one of the most expensive things to do.
I’m also pushing method acting because that seems to be one that isn’t quite as popular or more of a niche thing so far, maybe even more than therapy. But anyway, therapy, method acting, meditation, all of those things are great to do, so don’t reduce a 5-hour video series to two words. And then he just attacks me personally. I’m going to skip that. Oh, yes, right, so this is a good segway into the second concept.
“Praying on mostly desperately, damaged men,” he accuses me of. Well, some of the men I’m speaking to are desperate and damaged. I think Insidious Joker is describing himself here and projecting. I’ll read more of it and you can hear for yourself his desperation.
I started off Invincible by saying ‘you are not damaged, you’re just immature.’ In other words, like a seed that hasn’t sprouted fully yet or has been stunted. It’s not that it’s been damaged. Though in some cases, through extreme trauma, you might say that it’s been damaged. And so, I don’t know Insidious Joker and he might’ve been abused. But generally speaking, I assume that you’re not damaged but that you’re just immature like I was 5 years ago.
And maybe 5 years from now, I’ll look back at myself now and think I was immature then. And that makes a lot of sense, right? Because maturity and immaturity are relative. It’s pretty easy to say that you can be more mature, you can grow further, you can develop more. So, undeveloped or less developed, desperate, less developed men, yeah, right. I’m not preying on them. I think I can help you, it’s just that…
Well, let me read the next sentence. He says, “Men, damaged by conditions, we were innocently born into, at that.” And so, this is a good segway. That’s the second last sentence. It’s a good segway into introducing the bulk of his comment. I will reserve a fuller expression of my views on feminism and masculinity for a different podcast because I think this one’s going on long enough, but I’ll preface it or I’ll use this as a good way to preview it.
So anyway, men damaged by conditions, we were innocently born into, at that. You can hear the blaming there, right? “It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault!” Like that says, “It’s their fault! It’s their fault! It’s David’s fault!” Right? He just loves to lay the blame on other people, and I’m one of his scapegoats because he can’t take responsibility for himself, because there’s too much shame there. So, it’s easy to jettison that shame onto another group, so scapegoating, and then attacking them. But really, he’s just attacking himself, like, why can’t you get your own shit together, Insidious Joker?
But I’ll be the scapegoat for you if it makes you feel better, but he’s now scapegoating all of women, all female kind here. Because the conditions that he was innocently born into are those in which female empowerment now is a big deal and he doesn’t like female empowerment. This is his own words, by the way. I’ll be getting into that, but I just want to read the last sentence. So, the second last is,
“Men damaged by conditions we were innocently born into, at that. It’s incongruent in the fact that you also make a lot of free content doesn’t excuse it.” I just want to point out that I do make a lot of free content. All right, well, I’m glad you noticed that, Insidious.
Alright, so jumping to the top of his message here, “All of this stuff is great discourse and they may well even be true. It seems quite plausible. Here’s the thing, though: You are addressing men and urging we ‘Man Up’. You claim you want men to come out of the closet with honesty in our interactions with women.”
Yeah, that sounds like a good thing.
“The fatal shortcoming of your entire approach is your failure to address feminism” and then he puts four brackets around it, I guess, to highlight this. “From the little I’ve heard you speak about feminism, you seem to be an apologist for it.” So, he’s got me wrong on that one, but I haven’t addressed feminism because I’m careful with — I think I try to be careful with words and thoughts. I haven’t read all of the different phases of feminism.
So I know that there’s early feminism that seems totally cool, equal rights and so on, and I think those are all good things. And then there’s third-wave feminism. There’s all these different phases of feminism. Nowadays, there are splinter groups of feminism. There’s more extreme and radical. I’ve done some basic reading in it and I feel a lot more confident than I did just a year ago in being able to speak about it. But just as I didn’t know fuck-all about right-wing and the whole thing that’s going on in America leading up to the election of Donald Trump —
But like, I was raised in basically a [INAUDIBLE 00:29:43] liberal elite setting all my life, basically. Even when I was in the Midwest in Ann Arbor, I was in the Ann Arbor, which was this oasis of liberalism. So I’ve learned the hard way that if I haven’t done my homework, I shouldn’t come out and say a whole lot. Luckily, I’ve kept my mouth shut on feminism until I did the research.
Henry and I have been meaning to do a dedicated podcast to polarization, masculine and feminine poles and masculine and feminine energy. Basically, explore the masculine-feminine polarities. But we keep putting it off because there’s easier topics to address, and I think both of us realize that that’s going to be a giant one. And I know I could devote 2 or 3 hours easily to it at a time, if not a whole 10-hour course on it, but we will be doing that soon. That is definitely on the agenda and has been on the agenda for weeks, so that’s coming, but let me preview that a little bit here just in addressing Insidious Joker.
“You seem to be an apologist for it.” Okay, so skip some of this because it’s quite long. “You completely give women a past and have a blatant double-standard in how you address men. You essentially tell us to put up and shut up, otherwise we ALL are or must be bitter women-haters or something. I don’t know, name-calling is indeed where an argument is lost, David. You recognize women can be predators and rightly state they’re the same base creatures as are we. However, that is the limit of your criticism, of the nature of the MODERN, EMPOWERED WOMAN.”
“You even made a video.” Okay, so let me just stop there and see. So, this is a common — So man, the old pick-up community has really, since right around 2016, really steered to the right in America because I think the election really polarized people. I’ve learned a lot from that. And one of the things that happened was, all of these guys who had so much bitterness and resentment around female empowerment — I’ve never not said — I’ve always been upfront about the fact that women, in the modern world, have a lot more social value, and mating value, and power, social power than the males do in their 20’s.
I mean, so there’s no — I’m not beating around the bush around this. In fact, I’ve made videos about this and I think he’s addressing one of them but he didn’t really get the point of it. But you know, I think if the situation were flipped so that — it’s not like the men are any less bad people, it’s just they’re not empowered. So like, they can’t just walk into a bar and just sleep with any woman they want, whereas a female could get laid pretty much any night if she went to a bar or club that’s big enough, and she lowers her standards enough.
But like, that’s just not the case. So it’s not like men shouldn’t take the high ground, the moral high ground here, because it’s not that they’re any better morally, it’s just that they don’t have the opportunities, and so they’re crying and whining about it, and that’s not going to do you any good if you want to…
I’m speaking now to the red pill guys because that’s where a lot of that has happened. Around 2016, a big portion of the pick-up community seemed to have gone red pill along with extreme-right or alt-right. And part of this is they’re driven by this bitterness and empowerment. I mean, empowerment of women and bitterness around that. There’s also another subset or another subculture called, “Men Go Their Own Way”, which is basically checked out of the whole thing, but I think there’s a big overlap between red pill and Men Go Their Own Way.
Anyway, I know for all of the guys outside America — well, not all of them, but many of them — this is like, “What’s the big deal here? What’s going on?” So I’m speaking mostly to the American context here. And yeah, I totally agree that feminism has gone way too far. The hashtag #MeToo has gone way too far. But here’s the deal: Unless — and I think there’s going to be this push back pretty soon, so it’s going to swing back in about a year or two and things are going to come back to more of a balance, I hope, because I do feel for the guys in America and in Western countries where you are afraid of getting just accused. Because apparently, an accusation in and of itself is enough to actually get the guy fired and all of this, so that sucks.
And you know, I’d say to you, get the fuck out of America. I did. Get out of there. You know, if the fucking thing is burning down… Anyways, I know you’re not going to take my advice because, for whatever, many reasons, but yeah, it sucks. But that bitterness isn’t going to do you any good. So, you can either turn back time, which I know a lot of these guys want to do.
So, very briefly here, and I’m going to go into it in a lot more detail at further podcasts, but briefly, masculinity is evolutionary-adaptive. The closer you get to the conditions of the time in which we were adapted for, like the time for which we were adapted — So the closer our lives get to the conditions of 100,000 years ago, the more masculinity and the testosterone drives will help you, will come in handy. The urge or the drive to kill, to be conquered, to defend, to protect, to provide, these are all basic evolutionary drives that have their root in life 100,000 years ago. And that’s just straight-up science, it’s just evolution.
And the further society gets away from the way the world was 100,000 years ago, or somewhere before the Agricultural Revolution and whatever, 70,000 years ago maybe, 50,000 years ago — When we were still living in small tribes, the further we get away from that society, the less useful the difference between masculine and feminine will become.
So, I just watched an old Black Mirror episode and it was like a dating thing. It was a game or some kind of app. I’m just totally spoiler — so spoiler alert for this one. You can fast forward if you want to watch this later. There are people in there — So it’s a time-specific dating experience. So when you meet the person, you both tap your iPhone or whatever and it tells you the expiry date of your relationship. So then you just stay together until that date, whatever, 3 months is up, or 3 weeks is up, and then you leave and you go, and then the computer will give you a new match or something.
It’s very equal. It’s like full-on the thing that feminism supposedly wanted: full equality. Basically, by the looks of this show, it looks like people just generally hook up every time they get a new partner. So, the female character kept having sex with all of these random men because the computer kept giving her a 72-hour hook-up, or a 48-hour hook-up. This show kept showing her getting out of bed with some new guy.
And after like five of these in a row, she hated it. She was feeling like a prostitute who wasn’t getting paid. But it was interesting that she still kept giving in as if it was just supposed to be something she was going to do. So, scientists have said this for a long time, evolutionary psychologists especially.
When females adopt a short-term mating strategy, which is mostly a male-mating strategy, and they do it openly and blatantly, basically, men and women are interacting in the mating dynamics the same, so that masculinity and femininity in and of themselves have no use. They’re just two bodies that happened to fit together, but the masculine energy and the feminine energy don’t really have any kind of polarity there and it’s just straight up sex.
And the female is as opportunistic as the males would be, then you have that situation in Black Mirror. And I think that’s where the Western world is going. Maybe it’ll surprise me. Maybe the Western world will surprise me and flip back. I think maybe when Asia comes to its ascendency, then it will spread its version, which is more of a traditional masculine-feminine dynamic, maybe then the West will adapt to Asia. And I think the Asian culture has stopped adapting to the West because they see how broken it is.
And just 10 years ago, they were fully adapted to the west. So, MTV values Hollywood, Hollywood values Hollywood hook-up, casual sex, all that stuff. That was very prevalent over 10 years ago in Asia. And now, people are like — they’re seeing how empty it is in the West to do that sort of lifestyle. A lot of women in Asia are still quite feminine. A lot of men in Asia are masculine but in different ways. The elite men are masculine. And so, you still see that — or at least, the society protects that.
Especially at the very upper echelons, there’s a whole other can of worms on that one, so there you go. So I think you can either turn back the clock. So you American men, you can either go back in time — I think a lot of these guys want to. They want to hunt for their own food. They want to build their own houses with their own wood that they chop themselves and build their own house with their own hands. They want to go back to a more primitive way of life, maybe even get rid of electricity for all I know, right?
Like, they want to go back to a rural lifestyle. And I understand that appeal, because in a rural lifestyle, that’s a lot closer than an urban lifestyle 200,000 years ago where you’re hunting your own food and all of that. And then the male really has utility there. And in terms of the dating world, then the female would get into her role to match that 100,000 years kind of society. And a lot of the frustration of people like Insidious Joker about the fact that women are now empowered and are opportunist in terms of dating and mating is that they can’t theirs.
Right? Because these women are going around fucking whatever hot guy they want. All the hot guys, and he’s — I haven’t even gotten to that part, but he’s like hating on me because I got — I’m like, he sees me as something who can get his. So he hates on all of the guys who are getting laid, and getting money, and all of this sort of thing. So he’s just full of blame, and bitterness, and resentment. He’s not going to get anywhere with this attitude. He’s just crying about it, whining about it. This is about as unmasculine as it gets.
But that’s all he’s got because he’s unwilling to adapt. You can either roll back time or you can adapt to the present and realizing that the females, the women, still have, just as you as a male, still have your more primitive, evolutionarily-adaptive instincts, and you have the chemicals in you of testosterone and she has the estrogen, and so on. So, that’s still coursing through her veins just as it’s still coursing through your veins.
So, even when you do fast forward to that Black Mirror scenario where both sexes pursue the same mating strategies of opportunism, the female will be a lot less happy about that, a lot less fulfilled with it because evolution has not rewarded her, historically, has not adapted her for that. Whereas the man, it has. So, if everybody just fucks based on the computer, hooking them up, generally, the males will be a lot happier with that because they’d get to save all of the money they would’ve been spending, and then the women don’t get any financial or material benefit from it at all.
And so, that remains to be seen, so that’s Black Mirror writers extrapolating to the future for that. But I think that that’s quite accurate. So, I’m on your side, all of you guys who are like, “Damn it, this is not good for women and it’s not good for men.” Obviously, the modern empowered woman, eventually, she won’t feel fulfilled either. And I’ve said this in many other videos, but Insidious Joker has neglected to see that because of all this bitterness and blame. He needs to blame somebody just to get on with life and to deal with his own shame.
So now you move on to the next part. “You even made a video on Man Up wherein you claim a man setting aside his biologically hard-wired response of disgust when confronted with a promiscuous woman was an enlightened thing to do nowadays. What man wants the mother of his children, who even today is likely to be dependent upon his sacrificing his mind, body, spirit to be provided for, to have sucked 100 dicks or been gangbanged because she wanted to ‘have fun’?”
Okay, this is quite common, the type of rhetoric that red pill guys get. Like, you can find this all over Reddit and all the red pill forums. “What man wants the mother of his children”, like he thinks of her as the mother of his children, right? This is why he’s not getting any action, right? You go to the bar like, “Hey, want to be the mother of my child?”
Anyway, “The mother of my children.” “Who is likely to be dependent upon his sacrificing his mind, body, and spirit.’ So for him, like making, like to provide for his family is, in his mind, sacrificing his mind, body, and spirit. Well, I can tell you’re not making a whole lot of money. Because if that’s how you view things, there’s not much abundance there, is there? Not even in terms of — We’re not even talking about abundance of women or of dating opportunities. We’re talking about an abundance of money and how easily it flows to you or not.
And so, he’s bitter about the fact that I’ve helped people, therefore I’m able to get enough miles to fly. I missed that part. There’s been a lot of other personal attacks he puts in here that I’m just skipping because I’m sure they won’t be interesting to you, but there’s that bitterness there. “The people who are winning, fuck you for winning! You don’t get to win!” So there’s that kind of bitterness there, but I just want to clear this up.
So, he heard me say that it was an enlightened thing to do to set aside your biologically hard-wired response of disgust, and that he thinks it’s good to be enlightened. So, I tell you, I did use that word enlightened. It is an enlightened thing to do. Enlightened means that you override your biologically hard-wired response using your reason. And so, and the enlightened thing to do — So I really want to switch audiences for this, right?
The enlightened thing to do, if you read Jonathan Heidt or any of the neuroscientific literature on why people are right-wing or left-wing, you’d know that the enlightened people, the people who allow their prefrontal cortex to rule are consequentialist largely, versus those who are ruled by their more emotional responses are going to be more of a deontologist. They’re going to say good or evil and they’re not going to use their prefrontal cortex as much to make that decision or determination.
I’m not saying whether it’s good or bad. So I totally support guys who have the disgust mechanism towards a promiscuous woman. I said that it was an enlightened thing because in order for you, as a male, to fully embrace the promiscuous woman, you would have to set aside, you’d have to actually use your reason to force your natural disgust mechanism down.
It’s sort of like enlightened people — think of the food that would normally cause you disgust. But if you’re enlightened, you can use your reason to say, “Okay, this is a delicacy” or something and eat it. That’s not better or worse. I think it’s unnatural for a man to embrace a promiscuous woman, but hey, we do many things that are unnatural, so I’m totally cool with it. So in the sense of, that’s your decision. That’s you. You get to make that decision.
Most of the guys in the Man Up group were, in the comments, embracing the promiscuous woman, saying, “Hey, don’t make it a double standard.” And I’m like, I get it man. You guys are probably all liberal left-wingers or coastal liberal, or whatever it is, like my background, and I totally get it: You want to have this sort of equality, and that’s what is the outcome of that equality. I don’t think they’ve thought it through in terms of evolution, and so I brought that perspective of evolution.
But it’s interesting to see that he hears me say that it’s an enlightened thing to do, and he wants to be the enlightened person, like he has a lot of shame around not being intelligent. And when I say that’s what the reasoned person would do, or could do, he would say, “No, I need to be that. I need to be the enlightened guy.” And then he shames himself.
Personally, me, I don’t give a fuck about whether you think I’m enlightened or not. In fact, I don’t give a fuck about whether you think I’m anything or not. I do like to put my view out there, but hey, it’s up to you whether you see it the way I see it or not. I don’t give a fuck about that. But for him, to actually say — in that video, I said, “This is an enlightened thing to do.” But that doesn’t make it the right thing to do or the good thing to do. So just being enlightened doesn’t make it better.
Most of that video was explaining why you would have the disgust mechanism and why it makes a lot of sense to be disgusted by a promiscuous woman as a man, because 100,000 years ago you would’ve had that as well, and that’s evolutionary adaptive. That’s just — maybe I should’ve been even harsher on coming down on it, to say like, “I also have that disgust mechanism and I don’t think it’s a bad thing.” And I’m pretty sure I did say that, but people who hate me, they need to keep finding other reasons to hate me. Eventually, they’ll just hate the sound of my voice or the look on my face.
Actually, in some of our Facebook ads, we have trolls just saying “This guy’s so ugly” and just hate my eyebrows or some shit like that. I don’t know. So, if you hate me, hate me, but try to listen to what I say, so at least you know what I’m saying, so at least you can disagree with me. Because I 100% agree with you on this, Insidious Joker, but you don’t see that, so that’s kind of sad. But it’s a good data point for me.
But for those who are listening, listen to his bitterness:
“What man wants the mother of his children to have sucked — to been gangbanged — ‘to have fun’?” Yeah, that’s the red pill bitterness that’s coming out. And basically, they want their women to be barefoot and pregnant. You know what I mean: at home, taking care of the kids. That’s where they believe the woman’s place is. I’m not into that either, and I think evolutionarily, yeah, okay, that might make sense, but it’s not very fulfilling for her if she wants more and if she has other talents and gifts that she feels are not fulfilling her potential.
And then he writes, “The fact of the matter is, men are the creators and drivers of civilization.” Maybe I should’ve started with this just to get all the sympathy on my side, but all right. His next sentence, right, “The fact of the matter is, men are the creators and drivers of civilization. Were all women to quit their jobs for a day, the economy would collapse and chaos would reign supreme, and schools and hospitals.” I’m not even going to make a comment on this. I’m just going to let him bury himself.
“However, were we to quit our jobs, we men know electricity, sewage, and nuclear war would be unleashed. No military…” That sounds like a good thing. “No nuclear war would be unleashed.” That sounds like a good thing. I don’t know why you threw nuclear war in there as if it was as good as having electricity and sewage. That’s bizarre.
“Were we to quit our jobs, men, no electricity, sewage, and nuclear war would be unleashed; no military, women don’t want to work in coal mines, nor as plumbers, nor in the sewers. They prefer mostly cushy, affirmative action jobs. Not to say a woman is incapable of doing an objectively meaningful, contributive type of work. They can. I know female doctors and even servers in restaurants.” What?
Okay, so dude, you want all male servers in restaurants, too? This is bizarre.
“I know female doctors and even servers in restaurants who bust ass and do their jobs well.” That’s really bizarre, because I don’t think that’s a normal thing for the red pill guys to think that servers should be male as well in restaurants. That’s just bizarre.
“Yet still, they’re — most of them — spending the prime of their reproductive lives fucking random men, bonding powerfully to then which all but [INAUDIBLE 00:51:00] compromises their ability later on to bond to the man who will wind up supporting them sooner or later.” So this is like the — clearly, this guy’s been cheated on or betrayed and he hates being cuckolded and all that stuff, so he’s hating on these random men who are attracting these women.
So he says a lot more. I’m going to skip a bunch of this, because there’s many, many other paragraphs.
Now, I get a lot of this, by the way. Every week, I get at least half a dozen of these types of red pill rants. I don’t know why they’ve chosen me to direct these to, maybe because they think I put a lot of science into my stuff, but this one I pulled out and have paid attention to because he says he’s in Invincible. I can’t verify that. I don’t know whether he got it on some bootleg torrent site or not because he doesn’t have his email address here. It was just a handle, a username, and I suppose if we did enough poking around, we could find the email address that was associated with this handle but it’s not worth it.
But just in case he actually is somebody who has taken Invincible, I want to give him some response to this. “You don’t know that much of European men are conditioned artificially since birth to be effeminate, whereas women are conditioned to be masculinized.” Okay, actually, I will be addressing that. Henry and I will be addressing this in a future podcast, so I am sympathetic to that.
So I’m going to end with this: “You can delude yourself all you wish and think women are truly are equals.” Oh my god. “And that they’re better off postponing or frequently rejecting [INAUDIBLE 00:52:43] in favor of infinite cock quest.” So I know he’s red pill because he used the word cock quest. That’s a red pill term. By the way, infinite and cock quest are capitalized.
“That fact is, teenage female depression, drug abuse and suicide rates are at an all-time high. Most women are on at least one antidepressant. The vast majority of women cannot manage their own lives, nor succeed without somehow leeching off of men.” Well, I suppose it’s no use.
“You said it yourself in Invincible. If things are too good, they’re going to fuck something up because they need it.” Okay, that’s really ripping my words out of context, but okay. So, here it is.
“It’s all a scam! We men are collectively allowing ourselves to be fucked over to unimaginable proportions. No one gains in the end either other than men who exploit the marketplace, like yourself. Not faulting you either, but you are as much a victim as anyone else. Men such as myself and you were born into this dystopia, the only perk we men get from it is infinite sex.” What? You got infinite sex? I don’t think so. “And the impossibility of acquiring our own harem.” This is taking a bizarre turn.
“Women in turn become enslaved to their emotions and are damaged in enumerable ways.” All right, I’m going to just end there. There’s a lot of other paragraphs [INAUDIBLE 00:54:08] that I’ve skipped, but I thought it would be good to give you a sense of what I have to look at every week, several of these sort of rants about how women have taken over and men, poor old men, whining and crying…
Like, dudes, to those of you who are reasonable within that subculture of hating on women movement — first of all, I’m totally sympathetic with the fact that you feel attacked, oppressed, restricted, and so on. One of the many reasons I’m not living in America, and that I really love living out here, I don’t like that subculture — I don’t like that culture, either, the #MeToo-ism and all that stuff.
So, I’m totally with you on that. However, you’re not being masculine at all in your response to this. So instead, you’re just whining, and bitching, and blaming others, and taking the time to write out long rants to a random guy in the internet. I guess I’m not a random guy, but to a guy who — I’m not in any position of power that can enact anything to change this. So, write these rants to Donald Trump instead, or run for office, or become an influential person to do something about it.
Or get a farm and live out your fantasy of an idealic bucolic lifestyle, totally cool. You do something about it. Don’t just whine about it and be bitter. Power to you. If you disagree with me, just do something about it. If you want respect as a man, be a man. So, man the fuck up. Even if you totally disagree with me, stop teaching about it. So, there you go.
So, I’m going to end with that. I got to run. I got a lot of man stuff to do — well, a workout. Thank you so much for listening to this. Let me know what you think. By the way, we’re starting a reading challenge in the DTPHD Podcast group on Facebook. So, join the Facebook group because we’re running the challenge inside that group. And along with that, I’ve got a reading list that took me a lot longer to compile than I expected. So, take a look at that. It’s all inside the DTPHD Podcast Facebook group, the link of which you can find wherever the show notes are for wherever you’re getting this.
So, thanks so much for listening. I’m looking forward to getting in touch with you inside the Facebook group. Until then, David Tian, signing out.
Hey, it’s David again. Before you go, a couple of last things. First, all the show notes and links to resources can be found at DavidTianPHD.com/dtphdpodcast. Or you can just go to DavidTianPHD.com and find it through the top navigation menu.
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