Man Up | Ep. 174 • March 02, 2017
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or over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of philosophical psychology who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach using therapeutic methods. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
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Do You Deserve Love?
David Tian: Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, PhD. And in this video I answer the question: Do you deserve love? Welcome to Man Up Episode 174.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I’m David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up!
Hi. I’m David Tian, PhD. and for over the past 10 years, I have been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfillment in life and love. I’m here in Bangkok, a bit of a cloudy day so you can’t see how beautiful the sunset is on the camera. I probably might be able to boost the color a bit.
But anyway, I’m back in Bangkok. Loving it here. I’ve been procrastinating a little bit on shooting this particular episode because the question is a lot bigger than I expected. By the way, welcome to Episode 174. So anyway, I will try to say as much as I can about it to address as much as I can, however many minutes this takes.
Just so you know, this is a much bigger topic than can be accommodated in a Man Up episode. The other thing is, one of our video team is on one of his annual leaves the past week and a half. We took a little break for the uploading and all of that, but we’re back in it now as of you watching this.
So, we’ve got a lot of videos coming up. They are just waiting in the funnel, on the back burner, waiting list. They’re in the pipeline. Private Facebook group question here from Alexander. He asked in the private Facebook group. If you haven’t joined that yet, click the link, join the group, great community inside. I’ll see you inside there.
And he asks, “Hey David. Hey, Man Up community. I really enjoyed watching Episode 170. It left a deep impression to me that it is not important to join the arms race, to be more attractive physically or financially.
Great. I am so glad you’re referencing Episode 170. If you haven’t watched that, please watch that first, wherever you are on the internet. You can just go and find it somewhere. It’s going to be easy to find from watching this. Okay, so referencing Episode 170, Alexander says, “Also, I got the point that only making people feel good is not the key to success and happiness.”
I made a lot of points in Episode 170, and I didn’t expect to make some of the points. It was really hot, and I wanted to rush and get through it. And a lot of different things came up in that episode. What he’s referring to here in terms of the arms race is the social arms race of competing with the bigger, better deal, to attract women.
You’re always going to be vulnerable to the bigger, better deal, the guy who has more money, or better-looking than you, or whatever else traditional metric that you think attraction is built on. It could just be game, even, as I said. So, a guy who has got better game than you, or who can speak better than you, or has more status than you – a celebrity comes in.
And if that’s what you’re banking on, what you’re counting on for attraction, and it’s that important to you – realize you’re always going to be vulnerable. And even if you’re at the top in that setting, there’s bound to be over time somebody else who comes in, who is better-looking, more money, or whatever.
So, especially as you climb up the social ladder of sex and attraction, that will tend to attract bigger game, bigger fish, and you’ll always be competing. I mean, just to keep it interesting, usually.
Okay, he says, “I also got the point that only making people feel good is not the key to success and happiness.” That’s right. I mean, attraction is different from love. That’s the point I want to make. I’ve made that before in a video. I called it Attraction vs Love or Love vs Attraction. You can find it by searching for it on the channel, or in any of our websites.
It’s a keynote talk. It’s like an hour or so. I show the difference in terms of psychology, literature, philosophy, and it’s really important to know the difference. A lot of guys are very confused about that, and I want to make that more clear just in this video to answer this question.
He says, “According to what you say, everyone deserves love for who he is and his character.” Not his character. Everyone deserves love for just being human; you deserve love, period, not specifically love from somebody. You may not deserve my love, or the love of some other human being out there, but you deserve love, period. In other words, you deserve love from somebody.
You’re deserving of love. It’s different from saying you’re deserving of love from that specific individual out of 7 billion people. Totally different philosophical statement. One thing that’s really been bothering me, as somebody who became a professor of philosophy, and spent most of his life, 35 out of 40 years, surrounded by people… Starting around the age of 12, super philosophical type of person I attracted in my life, friends who are super-philosophical and rational, logical, mathematicians and so on.
Logical thinking is something that seems to be lacking in most of the world. It’s been painful for me to realize this. One of those things that I’ll be doing is – when I make a statement, I’m very careful. I try to be as careful as I can be in specifying what the conditions are for that statement to be true; the truth conditions of that proposition, of the argument.
But it seems like most of the world is not careful in their logic. Most of the world is not critical in their thinking, and they’re sloppy. It’s very easy for the average person in the world to hear something out of my mouth, and then to distort it and simplifying it to something stupid and untrue and not what I say. In other words, if the sentence is this long, they take this much of it and they say, “David say that.” And it’s just one little part of it.
That’s pretty annoying. I’m going to start switching over to print just because it’s harder to distort it because it’s like evidence if you can see it. Whereas in video, you have to scroll to that point in the video. It’s a little bit sloppier video. But anyway, this is one of those things. I’m glad that Alexander is trying to make his way through the many different points and arguments I was making in that episode. Understandable if you couldn’t get them all.
I mean, I totally am a more visual thinker as well. If I see it in print and words, it’s easier for me to navigate my way through it. But it is important, although these distinctions are crucial, the difference between love and attraction. The difference between whether you’re deserving of love, when I say love, period, of love. I didn’t specify from whom.
And if I did say character, that was a slip of the tongue. Every human being is deserving of love. That’s just one of the statements I start with. By the way, I’ve covered this in Awakenings. This is one of the reasons why I’ve been procrastinating on this episode.
“Thinking about it only led me to the next problem.” He says, “According to what you say, everyone deserves love for who he is. Thinking about it only led me to the next problem. If everyone deserves love as much as everybody else, it means that a shady person deserves as much love as an altruistic person. This is unsatisfying, since it gives no normative dimension to what kind of person deserves to be loved more.”
Okay, this is really scary. I can see why you would say this. Everybody else in the world seems to say this, that’s why everybody else in the world is fucking scary to me. Not everyone, like 95% of the world thinks this way. I know I cannot count and trust on those people in this world, most of the world because they interact with me and see themselves in relation to the world in a kind of Nazi way.
I was seeing Nazi a lot in my Facebook feed because of Trump and all of this. And I think that’s a misused term. I don’t mean to actually make that exact equation. What I’m pointing out with this, because I couldn’t think of a better word than Nazism, maybe colonialism or imperialism, those are huge terms too with a lot of connotations that may not be helpful.
What I’m getting at with Nazism is that in Nazi thinking, and in certain types of colonialism and imperialism, there were categories of actual biological, human beings that were considered to be sub-human. In fact, that’s the translation of a German word that Nazis used to describe many categories of human beings, including Jews, who were at the lowest level of sub-human, and Gypsies were pretty low in there.
At a certain point, there’s a cutoff, but at that cutoff point, all of those other biological human beings were sub-human. And in Greco-Roman times, by which I mean classical Greek times, there was a time in the Roman Empire where slaves were considered to be sub-human, even though biologically like now modern, would look at it and say they’re the same race.
But back then, one of the things that made slavery so easy to accept was because both slaves and their masters believed – or maybe slaves, to a lesser extent – but the masters believed and to assuage their guilt that those biological human beings were not actually human. They weren’t of the same race, technically. They were sub-human.
Or maybe they were part of the same race, but as a different category of person, of biological thing. Therefore, you could sell them like chattel. You could treat them like pets and not have to deal with it morally. And I think this view was also the case, and also held true in many instances with slavery in America, the way they viewed African slaves. They considered them to be sub-human.
If you did any study in university on colonialism, you would’ve come across all of this. When it comes to imperialism and colonialism in places like Asia, this is quite prevalent among the imperialists: The British East India Company and other imperialist organizations, powers and so on, to view the Asians as less than, in some way, inferior. And they deserve to be conquered by the superior who are going to be superior technology, superior intellect, superior moral virtue and so on.
So, all of this to say that the reason why it was easy for the slave masters to look at the slaves as sub-human was because they saw themselves as more powerful, smarter intellectually, just faster, able to overpower them. For instance, if the Spanish arrived on the shores of Africa and were blown back from the shore by superior firepower by the Africans in the 1400s, they wouldn’t have considered them to be slaves. They would have considered them to be powerful competitors.
But because they were easily conquered, there was this arrogance that – this is one major theory. There’s arrogance that came up in their psychology, and they were easily able to say. “We’re superior.” Sort of like the Aryan race is superior to the Jews, where we can kick your fucking ass, and we take your shit.
You don’t deserve life. You don’t deserve love. There’s no universal human rights back then. This idea of universal human rights is a relatively new concept in modern history, or the history of man. In fact, until the United Nations had that declaration of human rights, even Mainland China didn’t consider there to be a universal human right, or a set of rights.
When I was in university, this was a major of area of study: whether Asians actually had a view of universal human rights. So, the fact that they were studying that, there were both sides of this debate was already telling you quite a lot. So, all of this to say, most of the world still believes that they are somehow superior because they’re smarter, faster, better-looking, richer. They feel like because they’re richer, faster, smarter, better looking or whatever fucking metric they have, they are more deserving of love.
They are more deserving of love. Look, you might be more deserving of money. You got to give value if you want to make a billion dollars, or a billion-dollar company. If you do it in capitalism and you do it legally, you need to provide a billion dollars of value to the world. That’s generally how it goes. If you want to win the Olympic gold medal in something, some athletic endeavor, you have to be really good. You have to be in fact the best in the world at that time.
Again, if you’re not cheating or anything, right? So, not everybody earns or is deserving of an Olympic gold medal. Not everybody is deserving of being sexually attractive. Sexual attraction has to do with a lot of physical stuff as well as emotional stuff. And I’ve already pointed out many, many places what triggers sexual attraction: body language, tonality, the way you dress. Obviously, your physical body, your character, your seductiveness, your eye contact, tonality, plus your mental state, your energy.
For men, testosterone: how high your testosterone is. Women detect that even without looking at you; just through their olfactory nerves can detect high testosterone and consider that to be sexually attractive. But sex and attraction for sex is not love. I know most guys confuse this shit. Most little boys, and I think a 50 year old guy can be a little boy mentally and emotionally. They are little boys to me even though they might be in adult bodies because they still don’t see the difference between love and attraction and sex.
Because they crave sex so desperately, and they also crave love so desperately, they confuse them both. They crave them both so desperately they think they’re the same thing. That’s why I had a whole other talk that is so fucking deep but is not yet respected because I think I’m just too intellectual.
That’s my problem. I’m not smart enough to be able to get through to the average guy out there. How much dumber can I make it? How much more simplified can I make it? Love and attraction are not the same fucking thing. And pick-up boys, they are doing attraction. And I used to teach attraction. In some of the old products that we still – some of them are being sold like conversation and things like that.
They deal with attraction. But lately, the things I’m thinking about right now, attraction is really easy. It’s very straightforward. Go to the fucking gym, get a six-pack, get a fashion stylist and wear whatever the professional stylist tells you to do. And then get a conversation course for whatever, it’s like a hundred bucks whatever, learn that, and you get people attracted to you.
Are you going to be happy? No. Are you going to be satisfied? No. It’s like this. It’s sort of like, how do I pig out on Krispy Kreme donuts? Look, if you’re a beggar on the street, and you have no money, you can’t pig out on Krispy Kreme donuts even though they’re actually really cheap. But if you have no money, you can’t pig out on Krispy Kreme donuts unless you steal them.
So, I guess the equivalent would be like raping women. Or unless you just straight up buy them, right? But if you earn the money to therefore buy the Krispy Kreme donuts, then it’s not hard. Earn the money. Don’t go stealing them. Now as you broke down a little bit there.
But the point is this: I don’t give a fuck about the Krispy Kreme donuts. In other words, I don’t give a fuck about the attraction, the sex. That’s easy. What’s hard is love. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years, helping guys around the world get better with women and find fulfillment. What most guys are after is not sex. In most of the world, if you make enough money, you can get sex.
In fact, if you have VR porn, you can probably trick your brain into thinking you’re having real sex even if you’re not. What most males are looking for when they look for help with women on the internet is actually a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that they are complete, that they are worthy, that they are good enough as men.
That deeper feeling that I’ve identified over the ten years I’ve been doing this is the feeling when you get it – it feels like self-esteem, confidence, fulfilment in one’s self. And what you’re really looking for is love, all the way from the beginning. And from the beginning, as in you first major caregiver, like your primary caregiver, that’s usually your mother or father but doesn’t have to be.
That’s really deep. I go through that. I start to go through it in Invincible. I go through it in much deeper in the relationships course coming up. And that’s why, for so many episodes, and in so much of the Man Up courses, I’m referencing love. Love is the harder thing. You can’t earn it. The more you think you’re earning it, the more it’s not love, and it’s really deep.
At this point, I need to stop it because at this point I can then launch into a four-hour course easily, just on that one question of earning love, what love is, and how you craved love when you came out of the womb and how that is connected to psychosomatic – like, basically the way you store the fact that you didn’t get love. In your body as stress, and cortisol, and all those other things.
That’s much deeper and that’s what we cover in the multi-hour courses. And I try to give as much stuff out for free as I can. My best stuff out for free. You know what I’ve done? I’ve actually experimented with putting two-hour courses out for free, four-hour courses out for free. Guess what? When people just watch it on YouTube, they’re so fucking lazy they don’t respect.
I put a one-hour talk out there and I don’t know how many people actually watched to the end. We can look at the analytics, but the thing is, if it’s too long, they just put it off. And I know that unless you take that extra step of investment and you say, “It’s good enough that I’m willing to put down a few bucks to go through it.” Only when you put down that investment will you go through the hard work of not just watching the course, which is 10% of the work, but actually applying or reflecting.
And even if it’s just sit down and you write, or sit down and you think about it, that’s what’s required to do that extra work, to get at why there’s so much confusion around love. If you know and feel that you’re deserving of love, then girls in a club, or girls in a bar, or girls that you meet in the street, or some girl you’re seeing won’t be able to throw you off so you’ll become desperate, and suicidal, and needy.
You’ll be grounded. The greatest thing we all, as human beings, are actually looking for, are not these physical needs. Like, sex is like eating. That’s why I keep going to food analogies. It’s a biological necessity. It’s less necessary than food, but it is something. It’s a biological drive. But once the drive is fulfilled, it’s done, especially for dudes. I mean, most dudes can only ejaculate once in a certain period of time, and then they’re like, “Ahh.” You’re done, right? You got to take some time to bounce back.
There’s only so much satiation. It’s a physical pleasure. Physical pleasure is limited in its good feelings, gratification. And beyond the good feelings of getting to the point where I’m trying to get these guys to be more mature, to think about contribution, to think specifically about growth and contribution, and giving as how you feel love.
You can give love and feel love by giving love. You don’t need to wait to receive it. You don’t need to wait until you’re deserving of it. That’s bullshit your parents well-meaning probably taught you. That’s what the bullshit your school system fucking taught you. “Like you’re only deserving of love, Johnny, when you get an A. If you get an F of that test, well then too fucking bad, Johnny, get the fuck out. Face the wall and put on the Dunce hat,” or something shit like that.
No. You’re not deserving of an A, yes, that’s objective. If you didn’t study for the rest, you got the answers wrong, you didn’t get the A. You’re not deserving of the A. But whether you’re deserving of love – love is a totally different thing. And now, all of these guys coming on the group, they’re like, “Holy David, shit.” Holy fuck, all we know about is pick-up and sex. We’re just little creatures, little animals, just like starving animals they’re trying to eat fucking food. David, we’re starving. We don’t care about these higher things like love.
Yeah, I know man. You guys are all still fucking animals. I was there, so I get it. So maybe out of despair, maybe I got to quit. Maybe I got to do my plan z. I got to go to jail and have my three square meals a day or something. But maybe you guys aren’t ready. I don’t know. But I’m trying to get you there. I’m trying to help you see that what you’re really looking for isn’t sex, hopefully isn’t just sexual gratification.
Honestly, the road to being a good pick-up artist is thousands of hours and years for the average guy. And all that just to get some sex? You’re better off making a shit load of money. What you’re really after, and hopefully you’ve reached that point. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years, so I know some guys haven’t. Then if you haven’t, then by all means, pursue the pick-up journey. Go out and just try to find that gratification and validation.
But hopefully you’re there. Hopefully, you’re connecting with the need for love. That starts with you being able to love yourself. I don’t mean like self-love and dudes joking around like they’re frat boys. But I actually mean that actually loving yourself is the prerequisite to receiving anyone else’s love for you.
There are all kinds of reasons why we weren’t able to receive that love as children, and why we’re craving it and don’t even know it. It’s at an unconscious level for everyone; everyone who hasn’t thought about it and worked through it and done the grief work to arrive at it. I’m 40 this year and only the past few years have I really come to grips with this wisdom, and insight.
I’m not sure why people find us, probably through the videos. But we’ve been adding people who just assume that this is a pick-up group. When I see that and I see that they’re actually closed-minded, trying to give pick-up advice to people, and I give some time, leeway. But if they just keep at it with the pick-up? This is not a pick-up group, I’ll just ban them. We don’t have time for this.
I’ve already instructed our team, when you see these sorts of things, to act on it because we need to keep it clean. We want to make sure that the cream rises to the top and not get mired down in this dirt. There are enough pick-up guys, enough pick-up shit out there. So, if you just want to learn how to attract women, and that’s all you’re after – because attraction will only get you sex. It won’t get you love.
There are a million different guys out there. Every fucking week, there’s some kid, some 20 year old kid on YouTube doing infield footage shit. Any club kid can put up some video and say he’s a pick-up coach. The whole thing is a waste of time. But there are a lot of people who are doing it. We’re not doing that.
There’s some confusion over what I’m saying because in every video, I don’t spell out all of the differences every video. When you hear me say, “You’re already deserving of love.” Guys hear attraction and then they get all confused. “But David, you mean a guy who is really shady is less deserving of love than a good person?”
I’m here to tell you this. Let me help you in this way. When you’re a baby, a little infant, is there anything you can do to deserve love? Give me a shady baby, a baby who is selfish – which all babies are. They just want milk and tits. When they want to be held, they just go, “Waah, waah, waah, hold me!” They’re fucking selfish.
Babies are incredibly self-centered and selfish. They’re both. Their whole world revolves around them. They’re self-centered and they just take stuff from others as if it were their own thing. So, it’s self-centeredness. Self-centeredness grounds their selfishness.
They’re still deserving of love. You, even though you’re a self-centered selfish little baby, we’re still deserving of love. There wasn’t anything more you can do. It wasn’t like because you’re really kind to the cat, you’re suddenly more deserving of love.
You might be more deserving of praise, of, “Hey, this is good behavior. We want to reinforce it.” And all of that parenting, but that’s the second order thing. That’s a technique.
Battery just stopped there for a second. So, we’re not here picking up chicks. Look, it’s actually pretty good. I think I was repeating myself too much. Look. It’s that you’re asking, if you’re a shady, evil person, are you more deserving of love? As a human being, you’re still deserving of love. But whether you’re deserving of love from a specific person or from persons, it’s a totally different matter.
And maybe you’re not actually deserving of love from anyone except yourself. So, that could be the case. I mean, if you’re a fucking axe murderer or something, maybe that’s the case. But you don’t need to do anything. So, if you became a really good person and you did good things for good people, you’re not more deserving of love from them. I mean, you might get more love from them, but it’s not because you deserve it.
So imagine this situation. You’re only loving me because I’m good to you. I hope intuitively that you realize that that totally dilutes the meaning of love. You only love me when I’m good to you? So, when you’re a good person, only then do you deserve love? That’s what I’m saying. You only like me – I know this is between clients. I get fans come up to me and they’re like — I know they don’t like me as me. They don’t love me as me. They only love me because I helped them.
And that’s great. I’m very happy to do that, but I’m not looking for their love. I’m not doing it for that. I’m not looking to deserve their love. So look, here’s the thing. I know that people are in transactional relationships with me, and I’m totally okay with that. It’s a business for me on this side of it with the clients.
But if you’re my friend, and you’re only my friend when I’m good to you, and when I’m not good to you anymore you’re going to stop being my friend, that’s not love, that’s a transactional tit-for-tat contract. Let that sink in a bit. That’s why I say most of the world is not actually in a love relationship with anyone.
Unless you’re a father, but I actually know quite a few fathers who don’t actually love their kid. It’s more of like they have a responsibility and they have got to go through it. But if the kid got really mean, they just stop their emotions, they stop doing the behavior of love. That’s not love.
It’s easiest to see it when it’s a defenseless thing that can’t give you back anything beyond just existing. So, you can find pure love, like purer forms of love in relationships with pets. Especially pets that don’t have any other purpose besides giving love, like guard dogs. Or a pet that doesn’t really do anything else except shit and stuff like that.
But you can still love it even though it doesn’t do anything to earn it. And specifically because a dog, you can give it away or whatever right? But a baby. The love of a mother for a child is one of the purest forms. You can see that. Now, is it possible in an adult male-female relationship to experience this kind of love? Yes it is. Is it rare? Fuck yeah. In fact, I think most people don’t even know it exists.
So, maybe I’m alone on it. But bring it back to the average guy struggling in this relationship. What’s the point here? Look, what you have been looking for your whole fucking life, Alexander, probably, I don’t know you’d be on this question.
What I’m saying – for guys who are feeling that need to actually get into a relationship or something beyond just sex, get into some kind of relationship, or they’re trying to get their ego validation. What they’re actually trying to be worthy and deserving of it – what they’re looking for is that love, that acceptance, at that deep level – that no matter what, you’re still deserving of it.
And you got fucked up by the world over the years. The world came in and fucked you over and shit like that. Yes. And so, maybe things are messed up, but you’re still deserving of love. So, let that sink in, man. Don’t be a Nazi.
Nazi is like, basically, you have this meritocratic view of love, right? So, the next two sentences you say – and this is the end of the question:
“Can you give some hints on how to attract women through an outstanding and virtuous character?”
No. I’m not talking about attraction here at all. Fuck that. Fuck them. If they don’t like me and I like my character, then it’s their loss, their problem. If they’re not attracted to me despite my virtue, and I live up to my own standards, then I don’t give a fuck about them. Imagine the Nazis fucking won, and all of society now – because you’re Jewish – they hate your fucking guts.
And then you’re asking – imagine you ask, “Can you give some hints as a Jew, how to attract Nazis?” I don’t want to attract them. If they don’t like me for me, I don’t want them. Why would I want that? That’s the difference between you and me, and me and the rest of the dudes out there. Anyway, I’m kind of skewed because the guys who come to me are filtered through, they’re usually looking to get better with women.
But they will sell their fucking soul to get better with them. They will sell their soul to attract women. They’re just basically asking me, “David, what do I need to become? Who do I need to be to get those girls? Tell me who I need to be and I’ll be that, because I’m so desperate to attract women.”
So, I’ve been there. I’ve been doing this for over 10 years so I know what you’re asking. You will do whatever. And you’ll consider doing whatever. A lot of guys are too lazy to do it. If I tell them, “You’ve got to get a six-pack. You’ve got to make some decent money. You can do whatever you want, fun money.” All of those things will help you, not guarantee, but will help you attract more women.
Conversation skills, flirting skills, confidence in yourself, and all of that. Yes, that will all help you. But let’s say women, suddenly there was some virus and they all became crazy. Some red pill people might actually believe that, right? Let’s say they’re all crazy. Suddenly, they only like crazy dudes who are ax murderers. Imagine that. Theoretical, right? Imagine that’s the truth. Because that to me could be the truth for you here.
I’m saying everyone is a Nazi. You’re asking me, “How do I attract the Nazis?” That’s why it’s repelling to me. I don’t even answer this question anymore.
Here’s what the sign says in this reality here, is what helps you attract women:
Giving them good feelings. I already covered that in Desire System, in Limitless, and tons of other courses. I have no interest in that old shit already anymore. It’s already out there. I’m moving on. I’ve evolved. I’m to the next level here. I’m leveling up. I’m trying to level you up. But most of the world, “It’s tiring, man. It’s like taking them on my shoulders, taking a fucking huge-ass pack and trying to climb uphill.” But I’m trying.
I’m not talking about attraction. In Episode 170, I was talking about love and what Isaiah in Episode 170 is asking is, “I feel insecure and inferior, because this girl, she liked that other guy better because he’s got the muscles. He’s got more muscles than me. He’s got more money than me. I can’t compete with him. And on one hand, I say, yeah, you’re right, you can’t compete with him.
The only way you can compete with that particular guy is on those metrics of that’s what she’s looking for, if that’s what that gold digger whore – gold diggers look for money. What’s the equivalent of girls who look just for looks? Like, the gold digger for looks?
Whatever they are, if that’s what she is, then yeah. It’s just science. It’s just logic. You’re going to have to beat them on those things. It’s like you walk into a fight and the guy who has the better reach, the stronger, faster, and better skills, he’s going to win the fight.
Now, you’re like, “He’s got better skills than me. He’s bigger than me. He’s stronger than me. What do I do?” Get stronger. Get faster. Get better skills. That’s about it. So stop fucking crying.
But what I was saying in Episode 170 is, what he’s really looking for was a relationship. If you want a relationship, it’s not just sex, it’s not just attraction. For a relationship to succeed, there has to be love, otherwise, it’s just transactional tit-for-tat, and that’s why there’s so many divorces.
Once one party stops doing the other party withdraws and then it’s done. It’s so fast. It’s so easy for that to happen. So, that’s why I was going to the deeper level. And a lot of guys, I guess – well, not a lot. Alexander didn’t see it, but I understand if a lot of the guys didn’t see it because most of the world is ignorant about love, and they confuse that attraction and love.
I’m talking about love because that’s actually what’s required for the relationship, and what you would actually want out of a relationship. Why would you want a relationship that’s purely based on attraction? That’s a horrible relationship. That’s like one of those status relationships, like those power couples. Like, Neil Strauss and that girl in the fucking book The Game just status whores.
They’re just standing around, “Look at all of the people looking at us. We’re so cool. We’re the coolest people in this club.” In fact, I know some of my friends who are dating coaches still dating coaches who back in the day they used these lines, these frames, with a girl that was a model or somebody people were like, “Woo, she’s hot.” And she’ll nudge her and say something like, it’s called a high-status routine.
You say, “You and I are the coolest people in there.” Or, “Look, all of these people, they’re looking at us.” And that’s supposed to like.. yeah. The reason why it works is because they’re both super-fucking-ficial, and they’re like, “Yeah, we’re the best!” They get off on that. They get off from the fact that they make each other higher status.
And that is a pathetic relationship. I’m not trying to be a good person. I’m just saying that won’t succeed because it’s fleeting, it’s based on bigger-better deal. It’s always vulnerable to the person who is better looking, has more money, has a better body. No matter what. If you’re depending on looks as a girl, for instance, there’s going to be a younger girl coming in. The Kendall Jenner comes in, and then Kendall Jenner’s whatever is going to come in.
Every year, there is someone new. You’re always going to be vulnerable to the bigger-better deal if all you’re looking for is attraction. To sum it all up, when it comes to love, most of the world is a Nazi. I don’t mean to dilute the term Nazism. I’m sorry. I’m reluctant in saying that, but I want to make it clear. I guess colonialist or something.
Most of the world believes in sub-humans, but they just don’t want to say it. And they don’t feel perhaps that they could deserve to say it because they’re not good enough to say it. But the way that you’re interacting with me on this questions is on that sub-human level. “I don’t want to be sub-human, David. How do I get better so that I’m more deserving of love?”
And I’m telling you: You can be more deserving of attraction. You can be more deserving of an Olympic gold medal. You can be more deserving of a billion dollars, if you’ve put out a billion dollars of value. You can be more deserving of all those other things because those are transactional things.
But love, as soon as it becomes a transactional thing, is no longer love. So, there you go. That’s the review. Don’t be a Nazi, I should make that the title.
Alright, so that was quite long-winded. I was supposed to shoot this outside, but I knew it would be a long answer so I didn’t want my camerawoman to have her arms fall off. So there you go. Hopefully, that’s enough. But look, I tell you.
This is part of the core of our courses now: Rock Solid Relationships, Masculine Mastery, helping you understand love and love of yourself. And even deeper further down, we’re going to be doing lifestyle mastery about the purpose of life, and helping you discover your own life purpose.
Man, shit is deep. But once you have this, you don’t need all of that other stuff. And you will polarize so that the right people will come to you, and it’ll be almost effortless. You’ll be turned off by the people who are bad for you. You’ll be turned on and there will be electricity and chemistry with the people who are right for you. It’s a very natural thing.
You’re going to get all the things that you wanted anyway, that you’re striving for, that you’re trying to deserve, and you’ll get it naturally if you actually just love yourself. It actually can say truthfully that you’re deserving of love without having to do anything more.
Don’t fall into the do-more trap of love. There’s do-more trap of attraction, there’s do-more trap of love. So, Alexander, I hope that answered your question. But as I was saying, it’s just one little snippet. That’s the challenge of this particular episode. Great, and if you still want me to expand on this theme, please ask me to do so. I’m happy to do so. So, go ahead and ask that in the private Facebook group.
Speaking of: click the link, join the group! I’ll see you inside the private Facebook group. And until then, David Tian signing out. Man Up!