Here’s tip #1: Switch it ON.
First of all…. you’re going out.. right? I always tell my students this… get the heck out! It’s great that you’re reading this. But reading this and not going out isn’t going to do anything for you. Ok? Now let’s continue….
More experienced guys are “always on”. But if you’re just getting started, you have to switch on. What do I mean? It’s totally normal and not lame to get yourself in the right frame of mind when you’re just starting out. In fact it’s crucial.
Have you ever found yourself 3 hours into your night at a club, not knowing who to talk to, what to talk about, what to say? That’s a night that never got started. 3 hours spent looking lost. A night where you’re clutching your beer like it’s your only friend, and the moment it runs out, you frantically run to the bar so you don’t look idle. Then you continue to make rounds through the club, “scoping the place” never really making any connections, any new friends, or having any real fun. Your best conversations happened in your mind, and a lot of it sounded like struggling. In other words- getting a girl is totally out of the question. Now how did this evening begin? It began by entering the place switched OFF.
Here’s how to “switch on”.
- Don’t overbuild it.
Yes we are telling you NYE is an amazing chance to meet someone. But don’t go in there saying creepy things like, “I’m gonna pick up a girl.” No. You’re going in there to have a ton of fun and to party like it’s the last day of the year! Don’t make promises to yourself like, “No matter what, I will make sure I come home with someone.” Don’t let your heart pound, and let the primitive parts of our brain have a reason to be nervous. In many ways it’s just another night.. to party! Don’t be all needy, or attached to a certain outcome. Act like you don’t give a s**t. That’s right. Why? Because you rock. Now believe it.
- Chat Early and Often.
Get out there and just start chatting. Chat with anyone. Chat as quickly as you can. And, ideally, do this before you arrive at the venue. Chat with girls, guys, “cool people” and “everyone else.” This allows the social parts of your brain to start firing. You’re settling in, you’re getting comfortable, and this is VERY important if you want the rest of the night to play out well. It’s also great for Social Proof, but that’s for the next blog post.
Do not scope the place. Don’t walk around aimlessly with your drink. Have fun IMMEDIATELY! Don’t run to the restroom. Don’t be looking for pretty girls. Don’t do anything except have fun now. The moment you step into the place your only job is to have fun. It’s New Year’s Eve and the party has just arrived-YOU.
If you’re set on one thing- having fun, and making others have fun- you’re switched ON, and you’re on your way.
Here’s another one.
Essential NYE Tip #2: Social Proof.
What is Social Proof and why does it matter? Let me tell you something. You probably think you’re the only one in that place scoping the room for somebody. Or maybe you think only guys do it. You’re wrong. Girls do it too, and in many ways they’re much better than us at doing it!
In a split second, they can make a decision about you, while they were checking you out without your knowing it. And if you’re going to be at a party or club for a few hours, you can be sure that every girl there has already formed their opinion about you before the clock strikes 12.
This is why Social Proof matters. If you do it right… the rest of your night will be much much easier (funner!). If you neglect it, you’re in for an uphill battle. The good news is that it’s something you can do right in the first 20 minutes. Let me break it down for you simply: Social proof is people seeing that other people like you. That’s all it is.
If you’re surrounded by a group of people laughing and smiling while you’re talking, if pretty girls are around you looking like they’re having a lot of fun, that is a message sent to everyone in that place (note: every girl) that you’re someone of high social value. And when you approach someone who perceives you that way- it will be so much easier.
So here are a few things you can do:
1. Be Social Immediately. With ANYONE. Remember yesterday’s tip? Chat. Early and Often. Say hello to everyone in the room. Act like you own the place and you’re welcoming people in your club. You know how some people act like they own the place wherever they go? Be that guy!
2. Let them see your face. So you’ve found a group of people you can engage. You’re genuinely interested in them and that’s making them genuinely interested in you. The conversation is flowing, they’re all smiling, you make them laugh and have fun. Don’t waste this! While this is all happening- make sure you’re facing the rest of the room and everyone can see YOU in the middle of that group/crowd/table. Even if you’re just chatting with one person- put a smile on your face, face the rest of the room, you’re on camera. The snapshot that the ladies make in their minds of you- it will stick, and you will thank me later for this.
3. Photos. Even more, take photos of you with your (new) friends using flash, and other girls will notice and be curious.
Guys, remember this isn’t about faking it. You’re not posing and pretending that you’re all that. You ARE- all that. And you need to believe it, or else this is kind of pointless. Act like it, and people will respond accordingly. You’re not using people to look cool. You’re finding people you can contribute FUN to. Your job description this New Year’s Eve- is to help others have fun. Isn’t that great? Tell yourself “I’m the fun guy. I’m the party. I can make people enjoy more. I will make them smile, laugh, party hard, and remember this night.” I never said pretend. What I’m saying is have fun, make others have fun, and just be seen by the other ladies in the room. It will make it a ton easier to open them later. And that’s how to leave an impression.
Speaking of preparation, this third tip is all about that.
Essential NYE Tip #3: Major Prep.
This third and last tip is a big one, and we’ll tackle it in two parts. But let me just tell you that all three of these tips- in summary is about preparation. In tip #1 we talked about switching on and preparing yourself mentally and emotionally. We told you to get your social muscles working, come into the club or party already having fun.
In both Tip 1 and Tip 2 we discussed the importance of being social from the get go, and building momentum from there. We told you that the Social Proof this creates prepares the girls and helps them form the correct opinion about you so that when you do approach them, they’ll be- prepped.
You see now that it’s all about the build-up. In your favorite movie or story you remember the climax, or the part with all the action… but that part wouldn’t be great at all if it weren’t for the build-up leading to it. I could talk for days about storylines and the psychological side of this thing we’re calling “build-up”, but for now I just want to introduce this concept to you.
That way- instead of just thinking about that perfect New Year’s Eve kiss, you’ll be thinking of the moments leading to it- and after it, and you’ll be totally ready the entire evening. Here are two ways to apply this idea of Prep.
First: Prep the Kiss with Touch
We said talk early and often. Guess what? The same goes for Touch. Touch early and often. You may not be a touchy guy, and you may not find it comfortable. But, my friend, you better start getting comfortable with the idea now.
Why is it important to touch early, and often? Because you won’t get to that kiss out of nowhere! It’s pretty creepy for her if you have your hands all to yourself the entire evening, and then suddenly you begin to go for that kiss out of the blue. No. It doesn’t play out that way. You have to lead up to it.
Did she say something you like? Touch her on the elbow. Introducing her to someone? Put your arm around her and gently bring her closer to that person. Even if it’s just high-fives at first, it’s ok. Platonic touching throughout the night is fine, as long as you break the Touch Barrier early.
It will be crowded and if you are walking around, be the gentleman and lead her. You can walk by her side and guide her gently with a hand on her back, or on her waist (or on her hip- depending on how you’ve been doing). Or you can walk ahead of her, pushing the crowd and holding her by the hand. Find some ways in your conversation to make “excuses” to touch her.
Briefly touch her chin, her hair, her knee, make her sit on your lap, etc… Start with little things and build up from there (we have entire courses on this subject of Physical Escalation and cover it very thoroughly with our students enrolled in the 1-year program). The point is, you need to prep her.
Remember: touch is not something she’s doing for you. You’re doing it for her. See your touch as something valuable and reward her with it. If she shows you signs of awkwardness, pull back a little and withdraw your attention briefly. But start again with light touching. If you’re comfortable with touching her and act like it, she will respond in the same way.
Second: Prep the After-Party
The other way you need to be prepared on NYE is in the area of logistics. If you do get to that first kiss, what then? You can’t ask her what she wants to do, and you can’t waste time trying to pluck that idea out of thin air.
Be the man with a plan. In other words, plan the after-party. Where will you take her? Will you have a car or mode of transport? It’s New Year’s! Expect traffic. Don’t let simple traffic or the lack of a cab ruin the night for you! If you want to bring her to a hotel, did you book it already?
I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard of a perfect evening gone wrong because of simple logistics. Iron it out thoroughly. If she has some friends, make sure the after party can accommodate them, but still have a plan for a more private place you can bring her to.
Here’s one last tip. If you do get to that point where you are going to take her home, give her a nice excuse to tell her friends. “I’m going to another party with (your name)”, is much easier than “ (your name) is taking me home”.
Another thing you can do is find an excuse to stop by your house. Tell her you need to pick up something and many times this does become the last destination. It’s all about being a gentleman- which means never putting her in an embarrassing situation. People call this being smooth, but really, it’s being considerate. Of course, it does help you out too.
So that’s it for your three tips, and I hope this does prepare you well for a memorable New Year’s Eve. You’ll steamroll into 2014 with a lot of momentum in your dating life.
Again, if this is something you feel we can help you more with, we would definitely love to share what we know. We’ve helped thousands of men in Singapore and around the world experience life-changing transformation in their dating lives, their social lives in general, and in overall self-development. We don’t teach men to pretend. We help them to become.
Connect with David Tian here:
DTPHD Podcast Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dtphdpodcast/
Man Up Show Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/manupcommunity/