June 06, 2013
Tips for Men
In the Introduction, I stated that an attractive, sexually successful Asian male is assertive, adventurous and easy going. He is also highly sexual, and perhaps foremost, the sexually attractive Asian male is a leader. To see the Introduction, click here.
From talking to countless Singaporeans about this, I’ve discovered that some in Singapore think being a leader might force you to go against the norms of society. And “going against the norms of society” is often considered bad somehow in Singapore society (as if the majority were always in the right). So as a Singaporean, you might think this trait to be negative because you were taught that it is good to conform to society, to fit in. In this post, I am going to examine Leadership, one of the big five essential character traits required for becoming a sexually attractive Asian man. In particular, I will address Asian leadership, including the concept of elitism and how it contrasts with collectivism.
When I was still a professor at the National University of Singapore (NUS) teaching Chinese philosophy, some of my students’ favourite classes were the ones on Neo-Confucianism, which was the dominant ideology in East Asia for the second millenium. Neo-Confucian thinkers–and indeed Confucian, Daoist, and Buddhist philosophers, as well–emphasized listening to one’s xin (or heart-mind) and following or obeying one’s xin. Sometimes, though, this attention to xin sometimes meant going against the norms of society or just doing the opposite of what everybody else was thinking.
I thought this was a strength of the view. But remarkably, in the NUS classroom of almost all Singaporean students, this was considered a weakness of the view. The fact that there could be a teaching in the philosophy that might lead you to go against the norms of society was considered by my Singaporean students to be a disadvantage! As I probed their feelings more, I learned that they thought it was good to conform, to make every effort to fit in. Obviously, the upside of this is societal harmony. Everybody gets along. But what if, in your opinion, “everybody” is thinking wrongly or behaving badly? I think many of the Singaporean NUS students would censor themselves if they disagreed with society, thinking that there was something wrong with them, not the majority.
This belief was quite curious. At that point I understood some of the resistance to the themes of individualism in Chinese philosophy, and I finally recognized that I first had to explain some things about how the real world works, the world in which we are the products of a process of evolution going back millions of years.
If you think that being Asian or Singaporean means you need to sacrifice your individual good for that of society, this post is for you. I’ll show you how in Asian history, it was and is the elite male who gets the girls. And I shall show you how you can become elite simply by exhibiting Leadership. I will also explain how leading is not about leading lambs to slaughter but about efficiently achieving what is best for the group.
Let’s start by looking at the idea of collectivism. In a very broad definition, collectivism is the concept of sacrificing your own individual good for the good of the collective. This has a very Star Trek-ish sound to it “You will be assimilated and the good of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” Haha. Maybe some of those Star Trek writers were raised Asian. The point is that many Asian men feel strongly that they must adhere to this concept of collectivism, that they must lose themselves in order to embody what society expects of them.
In the Confucian tradition, there has always been a deep respect for the ruling class and the educated elite, and often those two categories were the same. Confucians taught that the bulk of the people, the masses, were incapable of the responsibility of leadership. The governmental structure of Singapore is one of the closest, if not THE closest, modern governments to this Confucian model, where you have highly educated and very highly paid people governing the country. The Confucians position is that the power and respect should go to the educated elite.
The Modern, Elite Asian Man in the Scope of History
Now let’s take a deeper look at this elite Asian man in history. The elite Asian male drives the ideal of Asian masculinity. In the pre-modern period, men in the elite ruling class in Asia took multiple wives and concubines, some kings and emperors even had hundreds of concubines. Contrast this to the remaining 99.9% of the population of Asian males, who were mainly peasants, who were lucky to have even one wife. Of course, if you want to have an abundant sexual life, you don’t want to follow the peasant. Obviously, it pays to be an elite. Let’s come at this from a different angle.
For most of East Asian history–China, Japan, Korea, and many other Asian countries–one of the biggest differences that set the elite apart from the lower classes was education. Elite children are raised and educated differently from the children of the lower classes and exposed to different life experiences.
Fast forward to the 2000s. In most of modern East Asia and Singapore, there is very early educational streaming of children. The education boards begin testing children in the first grade and put them through country-wide exams at least once every year. Based on the results of these exams, these children are streamed into various categories that determine the child’s access to levels of education. It is very difficult for someone who is in the bottom third stream to rise up to the top stream. Thus, early on, we have Asian educational streaming, which plays a large role in how educated a person will be, and in turn–traditionally speaking–how successful he will be.
This is part of the Confucian tradition of finding the governing elites through education. There is a paring away of those who can’t make it, so only the upper level of children are groomed to become the next generation of leaders. Elites are raised and taught differently from the masses, so the first stream, or even those above the first stream who make it into the very special schools, are treated differently and are given different instruction than the rest of the 95% of children in Asia.
In some ways, this is as true in the West as it is in Asia, which we know just by looking at admissions rates to Harvard or Oxford, or various other high-end private schools, like Phillips-Andover or Eton, versus the mass of public schools, but it’s much more formalized in Asia. In Asia, a child has no choice but to join this educational streaming because it is a part of the government education system.
When looking for role models, exemplars, and representatives of Asian masculinity to see what we should be like in order to be a sexually attractive Asian male, we should not look to the average Asian male as a role-model or to form our expectations based on the average Asian male. By the time Asian males reach adulthood, they have already been treated, raised, and taught very differently from each other.
Instead, we look to the elite. We look at the guys at the top and learn from them. Now, maybe this grates on some people’s sensibilities. Initially, when I was learning how to be successful with women, coming to this realization about having to think, feel and be like an elite clashed with my liberal, democratic, Christian-inspired views.
But I’m just being realistic about the situation, about the REAL world that we live in. If you are a bleeding heart and want to sacrifice your sexual life for the good of the elite… then go ahead! But you’re not dragging me down with you, haha.
How to Attract Women
The simple fact is, if you want to know what it means to be a powerful, leading, desirable Asian male you have to compare yourself and compete against these elites.
One major problem now arises. In turning to research in the modern social sciences, we hit a wall. Previous studies on the Asian male examined the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours of the average Asian man about masculinity. They did not focus on the elite Asian man. But now we know that we must look to the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of the elite Asian man to derive accurate ideals of Asian masculinity.
Who are some of these elite Asian men?
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