March 20, 2014
Too many people settle in life, spending their lives doing only what is expected of them.
The typical “model minority” Asian child gets good grades and does what his parents expect of him as a child.
Then, he gets a good white-collar job, works 60-80 hours a week, and does what he is expected to do as an adult. Eventually, that means marriage and children, then retirement.
Where is the excitement? All of these things are great – school, work, marriage, kids, retirement. But you need something else beyond just going through these phases – something that is your driving passion, something that excites you, and that “something” will be what makes you an exciting man who attracts women naturally.
Women immediately notice men who don’t live like the rest of society.
Most of society settles into a routine in their mid-twenties. And that routine does not change for the next forty years.
It will suck your life force dry and women will see it.
No woman wants to be with a man who lacks a purpose. No woman wants to be with a man who is settling for life – unless she is a lesser woman herself.
Attractive young women who have a lot of options can afford to be picky.
Now a guy who is settling in life might be happy with a girl who is settling and they can settle for mediocrity together. If you like mediocre women then continuing to be mediocre is probably a good bet.
But if you want to experience life to the fullest you need to be open to change.
How to Be Attractive to Women
Again, remember that a woman does not want to be your purpose. She wants to team up with a man who is living his purpose.
Living life with a purpose is not about throwing away a good job, never again caring about money and screwing over others to do whatever you want.
Rather, it is about living an authentic life. It’s about being true to yourself and your own desires, and gathering strength from that truth.
An independent man knows what he wants and works towards it. When you sacrifice your own authenticity, then you cannot live with decisiveness and boldness…and you will not be naturally attractive to women.
Confidence with Women
This is the reason why it’s so important to just do or say what you really think or want. Saying what you feel and doing what you want is masculine, it is strong. It takes courage to risk being wrong, to be willing to take risks and then take responsibility for your decisions. You need to be independent and do what you want to do.
Here’s an example of a beginning student who is still trying too hard to please women: This guy was at a bar talking to a girl. She asked him if he had a lighter for her smoke. He didn’t have one. But instead of just saying that he didn’t have one, he ran out of his way to get a lighter for her, roaming around the smoking area bar asking everyone in sight for a lighter.
Obviously, he expected that she would take the lighter, light her cigarette, and thank him profusely, infinitely impressed with his chivalry.
Instead, she took the lighter, smiled as you would to an obedient dog, and then ignored him the rest of the night.
Obviously, the guy was doing this just to please the girl. This is what I call the Parasitic Nice Guy. He feigns chivalry, but he’s really doing it to get something in return.
Think about it. Did he really enjoy running across the room to bug other dudes, begging for the lighter? I doubt it. He did it because he is a parasitic “yes man.” And women don’t respect the parasitic “yes man” who fawns all over them.
Here’s another example I see a lot in Singapore: Changing your mind just to please a woman. Yes, you want to take into account all the available, relevant information so that you arrive at a decision that you will both enjoy. Certainly, we don’t want to just go around ignoring other people and only doing whatever the heck we want. If she has a preference for something or if there is more information that you need to take into account, you should obviously do that.
But you never want to betray your own judgments just to please others.
For one, because the women or others around you will actually disrespect you and resent your weakness. Being a “yes man” doesn’t make you look good or endear you to others. Instead, it makes you look weak, boring, average, and certainly not sexy.
Other than your upbringing, which we have discussed, why do you think you are so eager to please or always prefer to follow others?
One common reason is that you don’t trust your own judgment. A lot of guys try to leave decisions up to others because they are afraid. They think that if things do not work out and if they made the decision, then they will look bad.
However, if someone else made the decision – if the girl picked the movie that turned out to be lousy, for example – then he can just wash his hands of it. It’s not his fault because he didn’t make the decision. But when you do this you simply show the world that you don’t trust your own judgment. Again, this just makes you look weak.
When you do or say things that are contrary to your thoughts or judgments, then you communicate and demonstrate to others that you don’t even trust your own judgment.
Obviously, if you can’t trust your own judgment, then certainly others won’t trust you. This includes your friends, your colleagues, your wife, and even your children.
When you sacrifice your own authenticity, then you cannot live with decisiveness and boldness.
Dating Tips for Men
This is why it’s so important to just do or say what you really think or want…because it is masculine, it is strong. It takes more power to be willing to be wrong, to be willing to take risks and then take responsibility for your decisions.
This is part and parcel of being a leader.
It may surprise you to know that being independent and strong in your own position requires vulnerability. To be vulnerable takes more power than to just close up and not let people hurt you or to not let people into your life. It takes more power to be vulnerable and it takes more masculinity to condition and train more masculinity. You need to be more masculine in order to live with a hurting but still open heart.
To learn about the power of vulnerability, stay tuned for the next instalment ?
For the start of the Manifesto, click here.
For Part 1, of this section on Independence, click here.
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